We, as animalistic creatures, are inherently taught to care for our loved ones and assure that they have what it takes in order to survive. Having a serious illness is no joke and can be extremely debilitating on both the person with the disease, as well as the loved one(s) who are also affected. I know exactly what this is like, and believe me, it's not easy.
My dad has an autoimmune disease and was diagnosed around 16 years ago. This illness could have changed his life for the worst, but he made the choice to grasp his disease head on with positivity and compassion. Autoimmune diseases do not outwardly affect your appearance, but that in no way should undermine what that family member has to go through on a daily basis. For my dad, this means that he gets tired more easily and can’t do as many things as he used to. For any family, this is just one of the many obstacles to overcome, but this obstacle is an ongoing one.
I am in no way here to tell you that there is one definitive way you should and are expected to deal with this issue. (Because, let's be real: I am not an expert in how to healthily deal with things.) But in reality, there are countless ways to cope with a family member who has an illness, and no one way is the right way. Here is some knowledge I have gained throughout this experience, and who knows, this might help you, as well.
Talk about it.
Communication is key when it comes to talking about certain things. It is important for your family member to express how he or she is feeling in case they do not feel up to doing much that day. And it is on you to not take this personally. Setting boundaries and having a healthy set of communication skills can take you a long ways in this battle.
Be compassionate.
It is up to you to be compassionate and come from an understanding place when dealing with someone who has an illness. It is important for you to be their support system and someone they can fall back on if they are having a particularly rough day.
Don’t take it personally. This is the most important piece of advice I have for anyone going through what I have been. We, as humans, always like to take things so personally and think that we are the cause of a setback or a particular downfall, but that is not the case. If your loved one is in a bad mood and not feeling at their best, do not take it personally. Just know that this has nothing to do with you and continue to love and support them as you usually would. Taking things so personally does you no justice, or your loved one, so stop beating yourself up about it and just let it go.
It is up to the loved one to make choices on how they want to deal with this sickness and how they choose to convey their emotions. My dad is the most selfless person I know (thoughI might be a bit bias), but he chooses to be kind, compassionate, and self-loving even when he is at his worst. Everybody’s journey is worthy of respect and compassion, and it is our job to never undermine someone else’s journey because of their outward experience.
We have no idea what other people’s lives entail -- that girl in your class who always seems so happy and positive could be battling depression, and that friend of a friend who always seems a bit standoffish whenever they see you could be dealing with a particularly bad breakup. Bottom line, we never know what people are going through, and just because someone looks “normal” on the outside, doesn’t mean they feel the same way on the inside.
It can be extremely difficult to be there and care for your loved one when they are sick, but it is even more important to play that compassionate and kind role when interacting with them. Their sickness could change their world upside for the worst, but it is up to them to make a choice and decide how they want to deal with it all. So, be kind, be compassionate, be at ease, and try to handle the situation as best as you can with your loved one, because that is the most important role you can play in this roller coaster of a situation.
