So you broke up with your boyfriend. Maybe it was a year ago, a month ago, a day ago- it doesn’t matter. What matters is that right now, you’re staring at the blinking line in the Facebook search bar and every ounce of your body is screaming to look up his name. A thousand questions are running through your mind and they are demanding answers. Demanding you type in his name. Demanding you discover for yourself what exactly has happened in his life since you left it, even if that was just twenty-four hours ago.

I’m here to tell you not to look up his name.

But what if he still loves me? What if he’s moved on? What if I know his new girlfriend? What if he got rid of that old truck? What if his dog is sick? What if his grandma is in the hospital? What if he won a basketball championship? What if he got a cat? What if he finally read that book I recommended? What if he saw that new movie with someone else?

I know that’s what you’re thinking. All the ‘what if’s’ are running through your mind and you just want to know. Maybe it’ll give you closure, to see him smiling with his arm around another girl. Maybe it’ll help you move on to see that he has moved on too. Maybe seeing him trying new things with new friends will remind you that it is your duty to live your life fully, with or without him. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Stop it! Stop it right now. Put your phone down. Shut your laptop. Walk outside into the sunshine or just over into the next dark room, and breathe. Listen to me: it won’t help, I’ve done it. I have typed in a once-loved name and looked at the pictures of smiling faces and homecoming dresses. I have looked at the birthday wishes, the college decisions, the funny videos. And I’m here to tell you it doesn’t help. It just hurts. It hurts to see his new girlfriend declare her love because you once did too and once that dam opens it’s hard to shut. You’ll imagine her playing with his dog- the dog that used to climb into your lap while you watched TV with his arm snugly around your shoulders- and your heart will fall into your stomach and for a terrible half hour you will legitimately feel nauseous. So stop while you’re ahead, while you still have your dignity, and don’t look up his name.

Instead, talk to someone. I know it’s hard to form the words sometimes, but it’s better to sit down with a trusted friend than to curl up on the couch and waste an hour being a puddle of nostalgia. Meet a friend for coffee and tell him or her that your heart still hurts, that you still have questions, that sometimes you still want to see his white car pull up outside. All those feelings are still valid. Feel them for as long as you need to.

But then look up. Look up because God has something much better for you. Not only is there His unfailing love, lavished on you every day in a thousand ways, but there is also a plan. He has a plan for every day of your life and someday there will be a love almost as great as His. There will be a man that God designed to love you the moment he was born, someone you were meant to love the moment you were born. Some call it fate or destiny, and it is the type of love Disney movies try to capture, but Disney movies don’t have the God of the universe orchestrating life and love. So hope for that love, when your heart is ready. And your heart will be ready, I promise. But it can only grow ready if you don’t look at his Facebook.