I'm a girl who is not afraid to ask a guy out for coffee or to tell a guy I'm interested. I'm pretty comfortable with who I am and what I want out of life so in my book, there's no need for me to wait on a guy to make the first move. I stand firmly by the belief that everyone deserves to know if someone likes them, even if those feelings aren't reciprocated. Plus, I've found I often regret it more if I don't say anything at all.
This is a new strategy I've started using over the last couple of years, and while some of my attempts at being straightforward with guys have paid off, there have been an equal amount of times where these guys stealthily ghost me. For those that don't know, ghosting is when someone cuts off all contact with someone they've gone on a date with, slept with or had a relationship with for any period of time.
Each time I've been ghosted, it manages to take a jab at my confidence simply because of its abrupt finality to something I thought was working out. Being a typical girl, I turn to my close friends for support during my "forever alone" stage of rejection.
They always seem to come up with responses like:
"He's an ass. Don't worry about it."
"I know him a little bit and he's a douchebag."
"He's just a jerk. Why would he even do that to you?"
At first, I was very on board with my friends' accusations against these boys in my life. I was hurt and pissed off, so I jumped aboard the "boys are dumb" bandwagon.
After having the chance to think over the times I've been ghosted in the past, I've started to wonder, why do we instantly insist that guys are jerks just because they don't like us in the same way we like them? I mean, I know more than one girl that has ghosted a guy, myself included. Rejection has been around since the dawn of time. Ghosting is just its tech savvy stepbrother.
Looking back on the guys of date parties, coffee shops and summer flings past, I can honestly say that they weren't all dirtbags. Some of them definitely were—don't get me wrong—but most of them were genuinely nice guys I just wanted to get to know.
I'm sure some of you may think I've drank the patriarchal Kool-Aid prepared by all the jerks that toy with girls' emotions because they're too afraid to commit. I don't see it that way. Ghosting is totally an immature way to turn someone down and is never OK, but I refuse to let the fact that a guy ghosted me or that our relationship dwindled out tarnish fond memories we made together.
It's also extremely important to remember that these guys, whoever they may be, didn't like me the way I wanted. They gave me a chance and decided I wasn't what they needed in their lives. This happens all the time. It happens with friendships, coworkers, even classmates, so it's definitely going to happen in the dating game. It doesn't mean I did something wrong or that the person who rejected me was the devil's spawn. It just means that the relationship we had wasn't supposed to last longer than the weeks or months that it did. And that's OK.
I'd rather have a guy fall out of my life than halfheartedly cling to it. I want a guy who actually wants to get to know me and having a good time with me. Not someone I have to beg for attention. Every last girl (and guy) I know is too awesome for that kind of treatment. So if someone ghosts you, it’s OK to be upset at first. It’s also important to learn from it, to forgive them and to move on. Life is too short and too exciting to get caught up on someone that doesn't see how wacky and wonderful you are.
