You know that saying, “My hairs a mess, my rooms a mess and my life’s a mess”?
That quote couldn't have summed up my life more perfectly.
I graduated high school a little over a year ago and since, finished my first year at community college. Within that time span since walking across the stage and finishing my last math class, I can’t count how many times people would ask me the same three questions, “Where are you going to school?” “What’s your major?” and “What do you want to do after college?" My other favorite one after they realize I'm going to a community college they then ask, “where are you planning on transferring?"
For a while I would respond the best I could with what I know, but for the most part I had no clue. I didn’t realize the way I was going about college was totally different than the rest. Obviously every 18 year old freshman in college knows exactly what they want to do with the rest of their life, how stupid of me. I realized these questions get asked a lot and the pressure is on high especially when I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I was already nervous enough as is, but then I had to sit there and explain why I went to community college, my major and how I’m not exactly sure what I wanted to do with my life, but I’ll figure it out. As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I saw the judging looks as they wondered what their son was doing with such a care free girl like me.
I wasn’t good at academics in high school, my ACT score just made it below the line to get into a semi-decent college. I had no money saved other than the college fund my parents had for me and if I was lucky, $100 in my bank account. I clearly was not ready for the big leagues and leaving home to go share a room with some strange girl and go out every night and forget my studying. It wasn’t time for me and I had to accept that.
In high school, I knew since my junior year that the university and dorm life wasn’t going to be me after I graduated. When senior year rolled around and we had countless meetings with our classes about how to apply for FAFSA, scholarships and applying in general for college,. I snoozed through most of them knowing all I had to do was answer a couple questions and give my name and address and social security number and I was on a one way train to community college.
Next stop: College of Dreams!
When most people found out I wasn’t going away for school and that I had a two year plan of doing community college and transferring, they gave me a pat on the back and said “that’s the smart thing to do, I wish most kids would do that route.” Most of the time I would agree because why else argue with an adult but other times deep down I knew that although financially it was smart, it totally sucked.
Over the past year I missed out on college parties, dorm move in day, freshman fun activities, living on your own and learning how to share a bathroom with a bunch of other girls on your floor. I was living the luxurious life (from some people’s perspective) because I got to be in my own room, my private bathroom and wasn’t stranded in the middle of no where with no car (although I might as well be when everyone else is away at school). My whole freshman year I regretted not getting my act together in high school so I could get that true college experience. Every time I would go visit my boyfriend at his school, it made it ten times harder to go home to a normal life. On top of that, I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. All my friends had deep passions for why they were going to school while I had bounced back and forth for majors and never settled. Once I finally sort of picked a major I still had no idea what I would do with it.
When I was young, I wanted to be many things in life from an actress, singer, writer and teacher. Every day I would change my mind what I wanted to be, I was hoping that it would of course stop when I reached college and I would know what I want in life, but I still have no clue. Almost 19 years on this earth and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life.
But is that so horribly wrong? I’m almost 19 years old, I have yet to experience a lot in life, why should I worry so much what I'm going to do with a degree in the next three years that will put me into thousands of dollars in debt. Why should I have everything figured out RIGHT NOW?
Life is funny, it throws curve balls all the time and we can’t expect it to go the way we planned it, I know I don’t. Although I don’t know what I’m going to do with my major, where I will transfer to and what kind of cake I want for my wedding; I do know that I’ll be okay. Sometimes people stress to much where life is taking them or making sure they follow the right path their parents want. But sometimes, we have to create our own path and let it take us where life leads us and not add so much pressure.
So yes, my room is a mess days after I clean it and sometimes my hair is a wreck, but most importantly my life may seem disarrayed and that it’s not all together, but the crazy wild experiences I have while living I know someday I won’t regret it and that occasionally having your sh*t together is better than not having it together at all.