Girls who have trust issues often times seem indifferent when it comes to matters of love and relationships. However, I can tell you that as a girl who doesn’t trust men, I know this is completely bias but you can thank my childhood for that one, that falling in love with someone is a challenge. We are a skeptical and suspicious bunch of headstrong women who have only been shown examples of how men can rip apart a woman's world. Don’t be fooled however by our uneasiness. We are different from your average “feminazi” or run of the mill “man hater.” Woman with trust issues don’t hate men, we just hate how loving them makes us feel. Every time I fall for a guy I turn into this crazed monster who second guesses every move he makes. I want to trust him when he says that she’s just a friend and he doesn’t see her that way. Or when he says that he’s never going to leave me. Or lie to me. Or hurt me. I want to believe that not all men are bad. But some things you can’t unlearn.

And I’ve tried my best to just ignore the problem. I tell myself that I don’t need a relationship, which I don’t because I am independent and very capable of taking care of myself. Still, part of me wants a relationship. I want to love somebody and build a life with them. I used to think that I would just adopt a bunch of children and be a single mother. If my mom could raise four kids on her own then why couldn’t I? Then something changed.

I looked into my future and I realized that I wanted a partner to share that with. I wanted someone to help me put the kids to sleep and get them ready for school. I want someone to share the rest of my life with. For me though, I fear I might never be able to actually achieve this. And it’s because I never let myself get close to anybody. As soon as I meet someone I feel a connection with I get scared. I don’t ever want to fully give my heart to someone because I can’t trust them enough not to break it. In my mind, relationships are expendable. Eventually, the guy will get bored, or he’ll cheat, or he’ll find another way to hurt me. I hate that I feel this way because I’m sure there are some perfectly lovely guys out there who know how to actually treat a woman. But I just don’t know that I’ll ever be able to turn off that little voice in my head. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully give myself to someone or trust them enough to see every part of me. Because once I do, they will have the power to completely destroy my world. That’s why those of us with the trust issues put certain hurdles in place to ensure we stay safe. We are not lost causes though. Because one day, all of us strong women will find a strong man. One who is willing to stick with us while we deal with our issues. We will find that one person who won’t let us get in the way of our own happy ending. Dealing with trust issues takes time and hard work, but I’m not going to sell myself short because a few a**holes tried to break me down. Each day I learn to trust a little more and one day I know I will conquer this fear just like any other.