Dear Mr. Heartbreaker,

It’s so scary trusting someone. Especially someone you love. You bring them into your life, and you expect them to be this person you can turn to for anything, and that they’ll always be there. What’s so scary about it is the fact that they can, at any moment, turn on you, all while holding every secret you’ve ever told them in the palm of their hand.

That’s how I’m feeling right now. Everything I shared with you, everything we’ve expressed to each other, you now have the power to expose. And for that simple fact, it is so hard looking you in the eye when I see you. I can never just be friends with someone I’ve shared so many intimate things with. You see right through me, and I through you, and because of that our relationship will never be as it was.

But don’t mistake me being anxious when I see you with being scared when I see you. You can be damn sure that I will have the ability, and the strength, to walk right by you like you’re a stranger. Because that’s just what you are to me. The guy I see is not the same guy I fell in love with. Now, you’re exterior is no longer soft, lovable, and charming. It’s now hard and cold, and I don’t recognize you when I see you because your eyes don’t light up when you see me, and you don’t open your arms to embrace me.

But you better believe I’m not the same girl either. Because of you, I am so much more guarded, and so much wearier to trust others. Because of you, I feel empty at times and desperate to talk and share my life with you. But, because of you, I know what it feels like to be strong. I take life a lot more seriously now because I know that as long as I am content with myself and my life, everything else will fall into place. I have goals to set, and dreams to achieve, and I will succeed because my mind is so much more focused now. You will not be there to celebrate my achievements, and while that saddens me, I know that there’s a reason you’re not there; because you weren’t meant to be.

You see, I’ve had a lot of time to think, and, in turn, had a realization that people never mean what they say. Sure, it means something when it’s said, but very rarely does it mean something in the future. You would know all about that, wouldn’t you? You took great pride in sweeping me off my feet, treating me like your “princess” and your “angel," making me feel as though you were mature enough to even contemplate having a future with me. Why say those things if you didn’t mean them? I would think that those words would take some serious thought because you wouldn’t want to screw with a girl’s head now, would you?

Oh wait, that’s right; you did.

You pretended like we were in this perfect relationship, and you loved how I soaked up every word you said because it made me feel wanted, and you never thought for a second that saying all of these things would hurt me in the future.

There’s that word again: future. There was a time when I pictured you in my future. But, I don’t see you there now. I see you as a funny story to tell to the man I will be with in the future. But, you know what I see in your future? I see you pursuing your dreams, going through all of the schooling and the training to become what your parents always wanted for you — oh, sorry — what you always wanted for you. I can see you having a love/hate relationship with your job, because you feel like you’ve made it, but you think to yourself, was it really all worth it? You’ll probably be dating, and you’ll probably be seeing someone who waits on you, does practically everything for you, and will give you all the love and affection your little needy heart desires. I can’t say whether you’ll think of me or not, because God only knows what’s going through your head at any given moment. You will be content with your life, as any person should be.

Now, what I see for my future is a journey of finding what truly makes me happy. Yes, of course, I want the big job at the top PR Company, paying my dues to get to where I want to be, and succeeding at it. Yes, it will be difficult, but by then I’ll have the mindset of “not looking back, only looking forward” drilled into my head.

But, to find what truly makes me happy is something that is completely separate. I want to travel, and I mean really travel. I want to live among so many different kinds of people, and take a part of each of their lives with me. I want to make a difference in the world. Even if that’s just buying the cup of coffee for the person behind me, I want to have the ability and the means to do that. I want to go on adventures with my best friends who bring out the best in me, and hopefully sometime down the line, my kids and their kids will share their lives together too with each other too.

And, of course, I want to fall in love. I want to be in love and never second guess whether I made the right decision or not. I want to be free from the mindset that I can’t achieve whatever I want. Who cares if I go broke, who cares if I hurt others, and who cares if I’m alone in the process. I want this happiness for myself, and nobody else.

But wait, why am I telling you this? You won’t even be a thought in my mind at this point, and you know why? It’s because you no longer make me happy. To be frank, I can’t stand you. I didn’t deserve what you did to me because I didn’t go through this relationship to be hurt in the end. I was in it because I loved you, and I saw something in you that I never saw with anyone else. I gave you everything I had, things that I’ll never get back, and apparently it wasn’t good enough for you. I wasn’t good enough for you.

But you want to know something? You’re not good enough for me.

Nobody is perfect, and I will put myself at the top of that list. But I wasn’t asking for perfect; I was asking for effort. As much effort you put into being with me, you should have put that same amount of effort into ending things with me. You have every right to feel however you want to feel, but you don’t have the right to make me feel like a piece of garbage.

Because guess what: I'm not.

You will never be the one to make me feel like this again. No longer will I be there to care for you, and to help you when you need it. I’m done with that phase of my life. Now, it’s about me, and what I want. You’re not important to me anymore because for every time you treated me with respect and love, it’s all tarnished by your lack of compassion and consideration for my feelings. But never think for a second that you broke me…that was never the case.

So here’s to me pursuing my dreams, and to you wishing you were a part of them.

Cheers, asshole,

The Girl You Thought You'd Broken