In preparation for college move-in day, I've had to do lots of looking ahead. This hasn't really bothered me, because I'm a "planner" by nature. I get excited about looking to the future, figuring out what classes I'll be taking, what study abroad trips I'll go on, and what I'm eating for dinner next week (seriously, though).
Although some of this planning is excessive, a lot of it is quite necessary as I step into this next chapter of life. However, in the midst of the mayhem and the rushing ahead, I felt a gentle nudge to take a step back. And, more than just taking a step back, I felt God leading me to turn around.
What?
"Don't look back," the voices around me clamored. "Look to the future - leave everything behind, make a fresh start in college. Forget the past."
It sounded so great, it even sounded wise. But still, I felt compelled to look back. So I did.
Physically, I looked back. I set aside a day to drive to every home I've ever lived in. To visit my elementary school home - to see that old oak tree I used to read in, to walk the same sidewalks I used to ride bikes and write chalk messages on, to visit the same childhood park where all my dreams were born.
To visit my middle school home - to roam the hidden streamside that I escaped to during hot afternoons, to walk the route I used to run as a young aspiring college athlete, to look up at the window that I used to sit next to in that Target beanbag chair that I loved so much.
To my high school home, and all of the places around town that went with it - the cafe that knew my five different drink orders by heart, to the parking lot my dad taught me to drive in, to the school that I met my best friends in. I went there.
Emotionally, I looked back. I flipped through the photo albums - remembered that one day that I fell asleep reading a magazine in my grandma's hallway, and that other time I did an aerial somersault off my bicycle and somehow only had one scraped knee. I remembered Christmases and birthdays and random Mondays that my mom took me to Chick-fil-A and let me get the 6-count instead of the 4-count.
My heart filled with joy seeing pictures of trophies and accolades and childhood celebrations, but was cast with sadness seeing the photos of my brother's high school hospital scare. I went there.
Spiritually, I looked back. My mind traced back through the years, remembering moments and experiences, the joys and the hurts, the trials and the tribulations that brought me to the foot of the cross. My hand traced the pages of the same Bible that I held on the night I said "Yes" to Jesus. My mouth whispered the same verses that taught me so well so many years ago, and still teach me so well today. I shuddered, thinking of the spiritual lows I've experienced, and shouted with joy, thinking of the victory I have found in my King.
I went there.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Because I now believe in the power of looking back. Not looking back as a pattern in life, but instead looking with a purpose. It is so important that we take time to remember where we came from.
Friends, your past, no matter how broken it is, is one of the most valuable things you possess, because your past gives you perspective, grants you humility, and offers you wisdom.
I know how it is. I know you don't want to look back. I know your past is full of hurt and tears. But please remember - although your pain was real, so was your joy.
You've laughed and loved.
When the days are hard, remember all the summertime sunshine, the smell of your grandma's cherry pie, the most nostalgic Christmas music, the feel of sand between your toes, and the sweetness of forehead kisses.
All of this and more is ahead of you. Remember how bright life was as a little kid? When all it took to make today the best day ever was an extra-tall ice cream cone? You can still live like that.
The most prideful people are the ones who never look back. They are the ones who charge ahead, grasping to a fake sense of self-sufficiency that will leave them broken and walking down a road full of trouble.
Humility comes when we look back and remember all that we never would have made it through alone. Our pasts exist, people. They're meaningful. They aren't garbage to throw away and forget, no matter how messy they are.
I KNOW remembering is hard, it hurts like anything, and you wish you could erase so much.
Remember that your failures don't define you, but that your wars against them have built you. You're strong because you've fallen. You're brave because you've known fear. You're trustworthy because you've experienced betrayal. And you can be whole only because you have walked in brokenness.
times, be humble. As you remember the hurt, be healed. It is time,sweet one. Look back, but don't linger too long. There is a beautiful future ahead for both me and you, and it's time to go live it.
