I Don't Do Half-Ass Friendships

I Don't Do Half-Ass Friendships

I recently told someone "I don't want a friend group" and they looked at me like I was insane, but let me explain.
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Since before I can remember, I have been a part of friend groups but always been closer to two or three people in the group. Sure, I sometimes enjoyed the other people's company, but at the end of the day, I would choose those two or three people to hang out with and I cared to know about their lives significantly more than the others.

As I have gotten older and busier, I have no desire to be friends with people who I'm not super close to. I recently told someone "I don't want a friend group" and they looked at me like I was insane, but let me explain.

During my freshman year of college, I learned the difference between party friends and real friends. Party friends you go out with and you hang out with them sober occasionally, but there are very rarely deep conversations and at the end of the day they know very little about you. When there are hard times, they will not be a shoulder to cry on or a person to rant to and you can't be surprised if they stab you in the back.

Real friends are people that value your friendship and genuinely care about you. They are the people that you stay in touch with no matter how busy you get or how far away they are and the people that you feel so incredibly grateful for. I am not going to go into details in this post, but the second semester of my freshman year was very hard on me. I had a major falling out with some friends and someone that meant a lot to me, and I realized that I wasn't giving enough attention to the few people in my life that genuinely cared.

I started to spend my time on my genuine friends, family, and church, and that helped me more than I can put into words. That period of my life taught me so many lessons and now I am thankful for it, but at the time it was horrible.

Today, I don't care to have party friends. I have real, genuine friends who I love and value so much and that will listen to me cry or rant any day. Yes, we go out together and have a blast, but we also do so much more. I know about problems in their personal life and they know about mine. They laugh at me when I tell them how thankful I am for them, but seriously I know I can be a lot to handle, so thank you. My circle is smaller these days, but I am so much more invested into these friendships and happier.

I recently texted someone "If you don't want to talk to me, then tell me. Don't do this." This was sent to someone who means so much to me and someone that I used to tell literally everything to. I've realized that no matter how much you want it, you can't force someone to talk to you and care about you. Sometimes, real and genuine friendships do fade away and that's okay. I'm not going to be begging for someone to be in my life anymore, because I want people in my life who choose to be there.

At the end of the day, I am so grateful for and content with the people in my life and I am glad that I have had bad friends in the past because I now realize how lucky I am and I have learned how important it is to value your friendships and be a good friend to others.

So again, thank you to all my friends who deal with me on a daily basis. I love you all so much.

Cover Image Credit: Victoria Shore

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10 Reasons Why My Mom Is My Hero

She's also my best friend.
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My mom is pretty darn special. And I'd be kidding myself to say that I tell her enough how much I appreciate her. There aren't enough breaths in the day to thank her for all that she has done for me, and all that she will do for me. So this is for my momma, these are just a few of the reasons why I think she's pretty great.

1. I can talk to her about anything.

I know for a fact that no matter the issue and no matter the story, my mom will listen to the entire thing with nothing but compassion in her heart. I don't ever need to wonder if she will judge me because I know for a fact that she never will.

2. She gives the best hugs.

I don't care if I saw her yesterday or if I've been away for three months; my mom will always hug me like she hasn't seen me in years, and there isn't a better feeling in the world.

3. I have never met a more selfless person.

She has such a heart for others and I am constantly blown away by her devotion and passion for serving those around her. If I (or anyone else) needs anything, my mom is the first one to jump up, drop everything, and run to help. If I have half as much generosity as my mom someday, I know that I would be making a huge difference.

4. I am inspired by her.

Always.

5. She cares so much for me.

I know that no matter how old I grow to be, and how mature I may become, my mom will always be there for me. She will always be waiting with open arms to either congratulate me or console me. I have never felt more loved by any other human than I do by my mom.

6. She loves me unconditionally.

I will never ever need to worry that she will stop loving me. No matter the circumstances, no matter the phase of life that I'm in, my mom will always be there for me, loving me every step of the way.

7. She is my number one cheerleader.

I don't think I will every meet another person more dedicated to my success and ready to celebrate my accomplishments than my mom. She is hands-down my biggest supporter and will always be standing at the finish line of whatever race I may be running. I could be crawling across that finish line and she'd still be cheering for me the whole way.

8. I can always count on her to point me in the right direction.

My mom will pray for me. She'll encourage me. She will lead by example and through the counseling that she is always ready to provide. I know that I can always count on her to push me in the direction of my dreams.

9. She has the best laugh.

I could pick my mom's laugh out of a crowd of hundreds. Her ability to laugh at herself (and at her own cheesy jokes) are part of what makes her so amazing. But the sound of my mom's laugh has the capability to make anyone's day, including mine.

10. I never stop learning from her.

See points 1-9.


Mom, you are such an amazing woman, and there is simply no way that I could put it into words. So I'll simply say thank you. Thank you for all that you do for me, day-in and day out. Thank you for loving me, and showing me what it means to live like Jesus and everything else that you do. I hope that one day my daughter might love me as much as I love you.

Love,

Me

Cover Image Credit: Ashley Burton

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To The Best Friend Who's 2000 Miles Away

A letter to the person now too many miles away.

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When I first confirmed my acceptance to the University of Minnesota, there were a lot of things to consider.

Not only was there the staggering cost of out-of-state tuition and the drastic change in weather from SoCal, but I was also about to be leaving pretty much the only place I'd ever known, and the only people I'd ever loved. Among them was my best friend.

You can know some people all your life, and they will not make a dent in the person you become. Yet, there are some people you can know for only a few years who can change the course of your destiny. That sounds cliché, but it's definitely true. And, now, 2000 miles away from the person who was my closest confidante, I realize how entirely dependent I was on you.

I'm here in a new place, with a new circle of friends that are quickly becoming another family to me. But, every day, there are times when I turn to talk to you, and once again realize that you aren't there. Once again, I realize that even though we always promised we'd never leave each other, I ended up leaving you and moving halfway across a country.

It's been difficult for both of us, I know. You keep reminding me of how much I miss you, and the calls and texts both help and hurt.

But, I want to say thank you.

This is the greatest test of our friendship yet, and, if we can both make it through, I feel as though we'll never grow apart, never fall away from one another. There's a question I ask myself over and over again, every day that I'm apart from you, every day when there's radio silence between the two of us: I keep asking myself how I'm supposed to live without the person I would live for.

I know I've always had to walk the line between living for myself and living for other people, but I'd like to know how I'm supposed to live when separated from someone who was so constant and unyielding in my life.

You were like a heartbeat: I knew you'd always be there, no matter where I was. Now, I turn corners and it's like I'm being followed by a ghost. It's a kind haunting, but a haunting nevertheless. I know we keep discussing options for seeing each other, but we both know I can't afford a plane ticket back just to be home for two days, and you can't afford to fly out here either.

I think in the end, what I'm trying to say, is that this letter is hopefully some kind of closure. Obviously, it can't be closure, since this friendship isn't ending. But, hopefully, it puts some of those ghosts to rest.

It's not that I don't want to see you and be reminded of you, but I just can't keep turning corners waiting for you to appear. Maybe sometime soon, I'll turn a corner and you will appear. And then we can laugh and carry on as though nothing has changed.

Because it hasn't; distance won't matter in the long run. It just matters so incredibly much right now.

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