I Don't Do Half-Ass Friendships

I Don't Do Half-Ass Friendships

I recently told someone "I don't want a friend group" and they looked at me like I was insane, but let me explain.

Since before I can remember, I have been a part of friend groups but always been closer to two or three people in the group. Sure, I sometimes enjoyed the other people's company, but at the end of the day, I would choose those two or three people to hang out with and I cared to know about their lives significantly more than the others.

As I have gotten older and busier, I have no desire to be friends with people who I'm not super close to. I recently told someone "I don't want a friend group" and they looked at me like I was insane, but let me explain.

During my freshman year of college, I learned the difference between party friends and real friends. Party friends you go out with and you hang out with them sober occasionally, but there are very rarely deep conversations and at the end of the day they know very little about you. When there are hard times, they will not be a shoulder to cry on or a person to rant to and you can't be surprised if they stab you in the back.

Real friends are people that value your friendship and genuinely care about you. They are the people that you stay in touch with no matter how busy you get or how far away they are and the people that you feel so incredibly grateful for. I am not going to go into details in this post, but the second semester of my freshman year was very hard on me. I had a major falling out with some friends and someone that meant a lot to me, and I realized that I wasn't giving enough attention to the few people in my life that genuinely cared.

I started to spend my time on my genuine friends, family, and church, and that helped me more than I can put into words. That period of my life taught me so many lessons and now I am thankful for it, but at the time it was horrible.

Today, I don't care to have party friends. I have real, genuine friends who I love and value so much and that will listen to me cry or rant any day. Yes, we go out together and have a blast, but we also do so much more. I know about problems in their personal life and they know about mine. They laugh at me when I tell them how thankful I am for them, but seriously I know I can be a lot to handle, so thank you. My circle is smaller these days, but I am so much more invested into these friendships and happier.

I recently texted someone "If you don't want to talk to me, then tell me. Don't do this." This was sent to someone who means so much to me and someone that I used to tell literally everything to. I've realized that no matter how much you want it, you can't force someone to talk to you and care about you. Sometimes, real and genuine friendships do fade away and that's okay. I'm not going to be begging for someone to be in my life anymore, because I want people in my life who choose to be there.

At the end of the day, I am so grateful for and content with the people in my life and I am glad that I have had bad friends in the past because I now realize how lucky I am and I have learned how important it is to value your friendships and be a good friend to others.

So again, thank you to all my friends who deal with me on a daily basis. I love you all so much.

Cover Image Credit: Victoria Shore

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Sorry, But "I'm Too Busy" Just Doesn't Cut It Anymore

"Learn to prioritize or find someone who will accept your too busy bullshit."

I'm busy too?

You make time for the things you want to make time for. By telling me you're too busy to come see me (when you haven't for months) I am completely understanding and accepting I'm just not a priority of yours. For some that's okay, but for others-like myself-I'm just not cool with it. I want to be loved, appreciated, heard, and seen. I would assume someone that I care for would want that for me too, but some just don't.

I've lost friends, family, and ex's all because they were too busy. In the long run they made time for the things they wanted to, and that was my point all along. You don't just get to put someone on the back burner and then decide when you're bored-"oh yeah, I remember you!"

It doesn't work that way. Maybe it's something I would have tolerated a few years ago because I didn't know my self worth and I wanted to keep people around because I loved them even though they didn't love me. Nowadays, I'm too busy cutting people out of my life if they do me wrong once. That's because I'm done giving second chances to people who don't work for them nor deserve them.

I'm too busy -- Is a load of shit.

What, you have too much school work?

-Okay maybe I'm not going to school to be the same thing you are, but I have homework too. It may be a different kind of work than what you're use to, but it still requires my time and patience nonetheless. So using the "I have too much homework to do, I just can't." Yeah, that doesn't really fly with me.

Learn to prioritize or find someone who will accept your too busy bullshit.

Oh, so you haven't gotten much sleep lately?

Neither have I! Most of the time, a lot of us haven't slept. Maybe you have children, maybe you have tests that need to be studied for, or maybe you have anxiety so bad through the night that you don't remember your last good sleep.

But I'm tired too. We are all tired. Every minute of every day, one of us is doing something that the other person isn't, so stop making it all about you and your schedule. Start acting interested in the things other people do and realize, "Huh, they're pretty busy and they make time for the people they love..maybe I should try that?"

Because what's going to happen is the people you're putting off, will eventually put you off permanently. We may tolerate you being busy for a good while, but that doesn't mean we'll do it forever.

Hmm, You don't have any money for gas?

Then maybe stop spending it all going out. How is it so hard to say to yourself: "Instead of buying booze maybe I'll save some money to go home and see my family."


"I haven't seen this friend for awhile, maybe I'll put off getting shit faced this weekend and make it a priority to see them."

It truthfully isn't that hard.

Maybe you're hours and hours away and you really are too busy to spend a whole weekend away from the hectic mess of it all. Then for God's sake, call? Text? Write a damn letter. Do something to show that the person waiting on the other end for a sign of life from you knows that you still care.

Eventually we'll start to believe you don't, and we probably won't either.

I'm done with I'm too busy. It doesn't mean a thing to me anymore. Every single one of us has our own obligations and activities that makes life seem impossible, but somehow we make due.

And if you actually cared for the person, so would you.

Cover Image Credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/back-view-blonde-hair-blur-fall-547557/

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A Thank You To The Friend I Don't Get To See Enough

You're a whole lot of lovely.

Dear Friend,

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you for always being there. While we may not see each other every day, or even every month, I know, without a doubt, you are there for me.

Thank you for the ability to always pick up right where we left off, and always knowing just the thing to cheer me up when I am down.

Thank you for making me laugh, for hearing me vent, and for letting me cry on your shoulder.

Thank you for our phone calls, texts, and Facetimes for when we can't meet in person, and for homemade spotify playlists, made especially for me.

Thank you for spur-of-the moment beach trips, weekends, concerts, and just hanging out.

Friend, I appreciate you so, so much, and I cherish our friendship. I am so proud of everything that you have done, all that you have accomplished, and the person I have had the pleasure of growing up with. I don't know what I would do without you in my life, and I look forward to a future filled with so much more fun.

There is so much more I could say, because I just love you so much. But I will leave it at this: there's nothing like a childhood best friend, and I am so glad that you're mine.


Your friend

Cover Image Credit: Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

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