Since before I can remember, I have been a part of friend groups but always been closer to two or three people in the group. Sure, I sometimes enjoyed the other people's company, but at the end of the day, I would choose those two or three people to hang out with and I cared to know about their lives significantly more than the others.

As I have gotten older and busier, I have no desire to be friends with people who I'm not super close to. I recently told someone "I don't want a friend group" and they looked at me like I was insane, but let me explain.

During my freshman year of college, I learned the difference between party friends and real friends. Party friends you go out with and you hang out with them sober occasionally, but there are very rarely deep conversations and at the end of the day they know very little about you. When there are hard times, they will not be a shoulder to cry on or a person to rant to and you can't be surprised if they stab you in the back.

Real friends are people that value your friendship and genuinely care about you. They are the people that you stay in touch with no matter how busy you get or how far away they are and the people that you feel so incredibly grateful for. I am not going to go into details in this post, but the second semester of my freshman year was very hard on me. I had a major falling out with some friends and someone that meant a lot to me, and I realized that I wasn't giving enough attention to the few people in my life that genuinely cared.

I started to spend my time on my genuine friends, family, and church, and that helped me more than I can put into words. That period of my life taught me so many lessons and now I am thankful for it, but at the time it was horrible.

Today, I don't care to have party friends. I have real, genuine friends who I love and value so much and that will listen to me cry or rant any day. Yes, we go out together and have a blast, but we also do so much more. I know about problems in their personal life and they know about mine. They laugh at me when I tell them how thankful I am for them, but seriously I know I can be a lot to handle, so thank you. My circle is smaller these days, but I am so much more invested into these friendships and happier.

I recently texted someone "If you don't want to talk to me, then tell me. Don't do this." This was sent to someone who means so much to me and someone that I used to tell literally everything to. I've realized that no matter how much you want it, you can't force someone to talk to you and care about you. Sometimes, real and genuine friendships do fade away and that's okay. I'm not going to be begging for someone to be in my life anymore, because I want people in my life who choose to be there.

At the end of the day, I am so grateful for and content with the people in my life and I am glad that I have had bad friends in the past because I now realize how lucky I am and I have learned how important it is to value your friendships and be a good friend to others.

So again, thank you to all my friends who deal with me on a daily basis. I love you all so much.