I Don't Care If You Read This
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Politics and Activism

I Don't Care If You Read This

No really...I don't.

19
I Don't Care If You Read This
Emily Stoinski

I don't care if you read this.

No, really, you can read that again to clarify.

In fact, if you want to stop reading right now, I do not blame you.

You probably expected a short and sweet, “Hello, my name is Emily, and I have been alive for 21 years” to be the first words for my very first post for Odyssey. Yet, because I am the person that I am, my first words have to be authentic and honest.

So, again, I reiterate what I said previously.

I don’t care if you read this.

If we are honest, my words are small and inexperienced. They have never been published in print, nor have they won awards or been on best-seller lists.

I will not beg you to read my words, ideas and sentiments.

Perhaps it is a habit that I have carefully crafted, for the things I write have never been about the audience reading them. For many years, I have hidden my words away. They were always ducking behind the cloak of an anonymous blog, squirreling away on the pages of notebooks that have traveled with me, or inching their way onto the edges of lecture notes. My thoughts and sentiments never required eyes other than my own to enjoy them, never were they focused on being click bait or going viral.

Words have been quite personal to me. They are what I have had every time my life has fallen to shreds. In real life, there have been moments when I could not tell another soul about the frustrations I felt or about the crushes I secretly had. Within the pages of a notebook or the posts of an anonymous blog, I could open up my heart and be wholly and completely authentic. The pieces of me that sometimes clashed with others, such as my fiery soul or vintage heart, could find solidarity in the words that I strung together. Yet, they were always hidden away from other's eyes.

I could not tell you about the exact moment when I decided that I wanted to become braver with my words. Instead, I just remembered waking up one day and realizing that they could help someone else. As time has gone on, writers such as Micah Murray, Melissa Hawks, Kevin Garcia and Sarah Bessey have sparked in me the thirst to be honest and public about the things that I think and the ways I view life, love, theology, social issues and relationships.

I realized that my words could give strength and courage to misfits like myself. A piece of me started to believe that there was perhaps a need for my words to be added to the conversation, that maybe it was necessary for my type of thinking to become public. In my soul, I began to feel the gap in my community that I believed my words could fill.

At the end of the day, I don’t care if you read my words because maybe they are not meant for you. Perhaps, they are for that girl that feels like she is too loud or that boy that feels like he is too soft. Whether it is for Odyssey or for my eyes only, I will still write, stringing together sentiments and verbalizing feelings because I believe in words.

So, on this note, I shall close with the introduction that “should” have been at the beginning of this post.

Hello, my name is Emily. I am 21 and a college student at Missouri Baptist University. I have a feisty vintage heart, and I am incredibly honored that you have chosen to read my words today. I promise to be authentic and honest, and I hope that you may find a sense of belonging and home within the sentiments that I express to you. May these words give you strength, and may they give you the courage to be braver and bolder than you ever believed possible.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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