Women have been alienated in society for many reasons. Because men have been established as the norm, women have historically been ostracized for aspects of our physical and psychological makeup, simply because we differ from our masculine counterparts. One of these reasons has been our periods. In some places, women are isolated during that time, pushing them behind men educationally, developmentally, and socially.

Though this does not happen as much in the developed world, premenstrual syndrome is used against women daily. PMS is the butt of many jokes and is routinely used to invalidate the opinions and emotions of women. Don’t get me wrong, PMS has a sneaky way of hijacking women’s moods in ways that can be startling to both the woman and the witness.

Even I appreciate someone gently making me aware of the way my hormones are manipulating my outlook. For example, when someone interrupts an irrational venting session to remind me that I’m not myself, it’s super helpful. That way I can manage myself better. However, when I’m in a heated discussion or broaching a topic with someone who doesn’t want to be bothered, and they patronizingly write off my concerns as a symptom of PMS, it makes my blood boil (if you take this as a pun, shame on you).

Many people still haven’t suspended the stereotype of the “emotionally-driven, irrational” woman long enough to see us as candidates for corporate executive or president. Here are some reasons you should think twice about calling a woman “crazy” when she’s on her period:

So there’s PMS, which is already bad…

You know, the stuff you learn about in health class. Feeling like, all of a sudden, your organs don’t love you anymore. Despite the mutiny, PMS is usually managed well, but it’s no wonder women have a higher pain tolerance—the symptoms include pains and aches, bloating, and moodiness that can affect a woman’s entire countenance.

Then there’s Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, which is the devil.

Personally, I’d take physical pain over the havoc this disorder wreaks any day. In movies, women on their periods are portrayed as women who take off work to watch chick flicks in pajamas, crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. This may reflect some realities, but every woman is different. Some have reason to genuinely dread those 5-7 days out of the month. If you’ve ever dealt with debilitating anxiety, depression, and/or fatigue, then you’re in the ballpark of how women with premenstrual dysphoric disorder feel. It’s no laughing matter. Because, unlike in movies, no one considers this a valid excuse to tap out of an entire week’s responsibilities. Women sometimes make rash statements and deal recklessly with their relationships, or isolate themselves altogether to avoid relational breakdowns. Why are women prone to starting irrational conflicts, to begin with? Well, I’m no scientist. But some friends of mine and I have shared the common experience of feeling like a cloud of negativity descends on our reasoning, and feeling unable to think of anyone who cares… How does one act when they feel like that?

You can give her a reality check, but just think it through…

Women are obviously still responsible for their actions, no matter what’s going on. Don’t encourage a woman to give in to PMS or PMDD, but definitely give her grace and respect because it’s very difficult. Don’t insinuate that her feelings aren’t real because they are just as real as other mental and emotional challenges caused by hormonal imbalances. Many women experience low self-esteem, exhaustion, sleeping issues, digestive issues, and moderate to severe body pain. So you may understand why she’s not acting like herself. If you want to give her a reality check, remind her of the reality that she is valued and cared for, rather than the fact that you think she’s crazy. I can assure you, she already feels crazy. She may want to be alone, but you can help her to resist feeling lonely.