Earlier this week, I stumbled upon another article that caught my attention. I agreed with the arguments that men should consider how women think, the danger they face if they reject (or accept) a man’s advances (compared to men being, generally, only embarrassed if a woman turns them down) and the other ways the patriarchy harms women. I was on board, until the article began telling me that men should alter their behavior should they desire a mate. I was even more appalled when I found that the article wasn’t even encouraging these men to become feminists or care about the issues. It only requires that the men be informed of how women think so they can have sex with them. To have some sliver of respect for them for sex.
They are not informed, much less encouraged to become feminists, to improve themselves. Not to respect women, much less their female relatives or friends (though the way this one was going, friendship is probably only a prerequisite to a relationship). Not because sexism harms men and women.
Just because you’ll get laid and maybe find a life partner if you are a better person.
Hey, that’s not entirely wrong. Chances are, you’ll probably do better sexually and romantically if you treat women like human beings, rather than objects of sexual or romantic desire.
The issue with this is it doesn’t actually fix the problem; the one where women can be murdered or raped if they say no. The one where the appearance of a woman matters more than her mind, personality, talents, accomplishments, etc. See, this article is only concerned about showing men how they can snag a woman without actually caring about who they are or helping the overall feminist movement.
It says, hey, so women are wary of predators and don’t like to be objectified, so be a Kind Bro so she’ll satisfy you. It says, hey, empathize with a woman, but only if you want something from her. It still treats women as lesser-than creatures that only exist for the sexual pleasures of a man.
At the end of the day, this is the guy who will smile and nod pleasantly when you talk. He might not freak out if you reject him. He might be polite and have manners and be kind. (Which aren’t bad qualities, by the way.)
He won’t, however, be free of the notion that women are more than how they might serve your needs. The article is respectful just enough that it is almost right, until you remember that all of this respect and “getting into the mind of a woman” is only so you can get other places with her, too.
News flash: you aren’t respecting women if you’re kind to them for sex. You aren’t respecting women if you are kind to them even when they reject you, and you continue to see women as people you only treat kindly if you want sex.
We should not be thankful that guys aren’t worse. If your response to this article is “at least he’s trying,” you’ve missed the point. Sexism isn’t just abuse and mistreatment. Sexism is sugar-sweet smiles and ill-intentions cloaked in the Nice Guy masquerade.
Treat all women with respect. Not just the ones you want to sleep with.
