Recently, a friend of mine and I have been going through similar situations with guys in our lives. You know, the “I like you, but I don’t want to date you, but I don’t want you to see anyone else, but we can’t define the relationship.” So confusing. What I have come to learn in the past 18 years about boys, especially teenage boys, is that if they want something they will go after it. Typically, “I don’t want a relationship.” means, “I don’t want a relationship with you.” Now I am by no means a love guru but being the youngest of my friends and watching them deal with boys long before I ever did taught me a lot.
The most important lesson I have learned thus far is that none of this matters right now. What college-aged girls should be most concerned with is self-growth. We should be learning, travelling, making new friends, and sharing experiences with old friends. We should not be sitting around on a Friday night wondering why our boy hasn’t sent us a text in two days. This is one of the only opportunities in life that we get to be completely selfish. Cultivate and create a beautiful life for yourself first and then invite a man to share that life with.
I know that every person is different but I am a girl who needs space and time to grow. There is no way that at this point in my life I could ever give myself completely to another person. I have such a long way to go in terms of personal growth that currently I feel I would have nothing to offer someone in a relationship. Now, I am not in any way bagging on relationships or people who choose to date in college. Many of my friends are in great relationships and are actually very happy. I just know for me personally and many other young girls, this isn’t the right time.
Single is not a place that is solely there for you to escape it at some point. There are so many amazing things about not being in a relationship but my personal favorite is: you can do whatever the hell you want. Honestly. Travelling extensively is one of my goals in life and this is something I think about often. If I wanted to book a month-long trip to backpack across Thailand I would hate to have to worry about missing my boyfriend, us growing distant, or putting a relationship on hold for a month. There is so much freedom that comes with being single along with peace of mind and finding happiness in self-fulfillment.
I am not saying that you should cut guys out of your life all together because we all know how fun dating around can be. Just please do not let them consume your whole life. So young ladies, stop. Stop waiting for a text message. Stop stressing over that conversation you two had at one AM last night that neither of you actually remember. Stop comparing yourself to every other girl he speaks to. Stop. Take this opportunity you have to become the best version of yourself possible. Take care of your health, get good grades, be a good friend to your girls, and check on your mom often. The moment that you stop waiting for something to happen, it will. Plus, when you become a thoughtful, faithful, and loving person that is the kind of person that you will attract.
