Have you ever felt so hopeless, your self-esteem is absent, you could never get out of bed, and have you ever just acted like everything was OK with a smile and watched as the world kept going on?
That's what depression is like — you have no care for what is happening around you. You count down the hours until you can go back to bed, you feel disappointed when you actually wake up in the morning, it simply feels like swimming with someone who is trying to pull you under and not being sure you care whether they are successful. At first, you try to swim away, but after a while, you become comforted by the fact they are there. That is depression.
With society today, everyone claims they have depression and they brag about it endlessly. Depression is not a joke, and nobody is laughing.
Time isn't a thing when one is hanging out with depression, and therefore measuring it or planning daily tasks around it is pretty much impossible. The hours of the day are lost traveling back in time in, or staring at the walls when there are countless things to accomplish. It's not exactly socially acceptable to be staring off into space, however, so, therefore, everything social is exiled from daily life and the walls of one's home become the only friends. I can't think of anything edgier.
I questioned my own depression for months because so many people brag about it and emphasize that they have it. I know that depression symptoms are not all the same, and some have it worse than others, but depression is depression and it is not something you just wish you have. Depression is real, and nobody wants to acknowledge that.
I personally have been diagnosed in the past with severe depression. My depression was never getting up for school in the morning, sleeping all day to stay up all night, never eating, have missed texts and calls because I didn't want to be bothered, and some nights wanting to die. For the year and a few months, I felt like I was in a hole I was never going to get out of, I felt like the world was crashing on me, and nobody would care if I really was not here.
The thing about depression is that it can eat you alive. It stops you in your tracks some days and it's hard to get back going. It's literally fighting against yourself, and that's the hardest battle you may ever fight. It's so draining. By that, I mean that it drains you before you realize it's happening. And once you get yourself back on track, things still feel like an endless struggle.
I have thankfully and fortunately got myself back on track to becoming happier with reality and the life I was living. It is never easy, and I didn't think it would be. I went to endless therapies to try to find one I like, I went on different medications to see which one didn't give me side effects, I forced myself to eat, and not take naps during the day. There is more to how I got out of the depression, but I won't mention that.
It's hard because as a society, nobody cares for those who have mental illnesses, they overlook it as a whole. So many people are committing suicide because they feel ashamed to actually speak to someone about it. We need to end the stigma that "depression is a phase" and "your depression will go away," because sometimes it's not just a phase and sometimes people live with that for their whole lives.
Depression will always live within me, and the crucial thing I learned was that there are beyond healthy coping mechanisms you can learn to help deal with it for that day. On the days I feel low, I surround myself with people, and do something that can take my mind off it.
I learned that there is always a reason to be living, there is always someone you can talk to.
I'm happy to state that I have not been on medication in a long time, I'm just generally happy again. I don't feel like the world is crashing on me, I get out of bed each morning extremely blessed to be living another day, and I know that if it ever comes back severe again, I always have someone to talk to.
There are ways, there are people, and you are strong enough to fight whatever you're feeling.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255
