Poetry makes me insecure. I have no clue what I'm doing, but now that Odyssey is expanding its policies to include poetry and short fiction I decided I'd give it a try.

This poem was inspired by a feeling that I've had a lot lately. The idea of going away to college and letting go of the past is a romantic one. But idealizing life for myself has only brought me more disillusion and pain then I could've expected. I can no longer deny what's happened to me and who I am because of it. It's in my blood.

"dolly dna"

I am your doll

simultaneously too thick and too fragile for your liking.

emptiness in my smile,

but that doesn't bother you as long as I smile anyway.

& I don't fit in little dolly dresses anymore.

I never did, but you lace them up my spine regardless.

& although you're no longer welcome in the dollhouse

you continue

snapping my plastic bones with dirt-caked hands

because I'm still your play toy,

shelf ornament,

trophy

to prove someone so naive, so oblivious, so careless, so disconnected

is still in control.

because you're the doll master

and you don't have to pull the strings anymore -

they're stuck around my throat.

dollies like me come with loud brains & quiet lips

thanks to your intricate

planning,

manipulation,

&

design.