I came up with the idea for this article, actually, from a school assignment I was completing. I usually don't write out any of my assignments, given that I am an online student, but today I decided to:

The assignment was about values; what I valued, and what I didn't. The assignment's directions were to create three groups of values: very important to me, important to me, and not important to me. At first, I thought about what the assignment was asking and then decided to copy the values on paper for myself.

I've recently been suffering from a bout of depression. Since I am new at motherhood, post-partum depression, could be considered the main culprit for the problem. I've lost myself, lost my drive in life, lost my motives, and most times, I find myself questioning who I am anymore. If you know how any of this feels, you'd understand how difficult these feelings are.

I wrote all 83 values onto the paper. Each value had a definition following the headline word:

Attractiveness: to be physically desired.

Flexibility: being able to adjust to new changes in one's life.

Once I finished, I found that I had a lot of the values in the "very important," and "important to me," categories, that I wasn't truly expressing in my life. I wasn't making nearly enough of these values a priority in my life like I should be. Looking at the lists of values made me sad. Almost like I have become a completely different person than who I was before. Then, I wondered how I got here. What's changed? What has happened to me?

Under the "Very Important" column, I had values listed such as: attractiveness, autonomy, fitness, independence, working hard, creativity, growth, and genuineness.

Under "Important to me" I listed: providing service to others, commitment, God's Will, friendship, and health.

Under the "Not Important to Me" category I listed: authority, rationality, power, sexuality, change. I could probably list the rest, because this category had only a handful of the written values, except these are the ones that stood out to me the most.

What's my point? Why do I sound like I'm writing an experiment report?

Not even halfway through dividing the value note cards, I realized that not a single one of those topics had anything to do with my life now and it broke my heart.

If you know, or have ever known me, I was a very faith-centered person. I loved the Lord with everything in my being. Lately, I've never felt further from my God in my life. The relationships I used to hold so dear to my heart have become less of a priority, less important to me. Still important, but less important.

Really, since when is being attractive or creative more important than your own health?!

I thought about it, and then came to the conclusion that these were desires. Wants. Things I find important, but things that are non-existent. I say that independence is important, however I have become one of the most needy and dependent people I know. I need reassurance. That I'm doing a good job, that my boyfriend loves me, and that I am working hard. I used to be so self-driven.

I used to be so creative and such a talented writer. Lately, I've been having trouble thinking of anything new; like a writer's block that's lasted for 4 months.

What has happened to me?

I have gotten so lost in my day-to-day struggle that my wants and needs don't even apply to the way I live and breathe. The things that are very important to me now, shouldn't be as relevant as the values that are "just important" now.

But if it weren't for this ten minute assignment for school, I would have never even thought of any of this. Either that, or it probably would have taken a really long time.

Don't let your values fall short. Fit them into your life somewhere. If not, are you really even worthy of calling them values?

Live out your thoughts and feelings with all of your heart and when you lose yourself, the smallest, most minute details of your daily life can show you where to turn, how your life is falling off the tracks. The "little push" you need is right in front of you. Take it for yourself, for your relationships, andfor your life.