Not too long ago I had someone ask me if I loved my body.
In the moment, I answered yes, because I do love my body. I love everything about myself, but that isn't and wasn't always the case. Sometimes I overthink and worry about my weight and hate all the pimples that sprout along my face. Sometimes I wonder why I stopped getting taller in the sixth grade and why my boobs stopped there too. Although I definitely could be my toughest critic, I'm also my biggest supporter. I think the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn is to fully love myself. Through all of these things that I constantly pick at myself over, I still love my body, mind, and spirit.
In high school, I got a tattoo that says "love yourself, free yourself." A lot of people think that's super corny and I even got jokes about how tattoos shouldn't be lines from my diary (says who tho?). I got it done because loving myself was a constant battle, especially in high school, when I was most insecure about every little thing. I wasn't aware that I was dealing with something called anxiety, at least I didn't know what it was called. I didn't know that my body is set to unrealistic standards because of the patriarchal world we all live in (yay, feminism). All I knew was that I felt fat and ugly and dumb most of the time. It took a lot of work for me to overcome those feelings of failure and for me to realize that I was more than enough for me. I work extra hard in school to get good grades and I love that about myself. I started using makeup, which I know I don't need because I'm poppin' and no one really needs it, but I didn't always know that and it made me feel good about myself. I started working out and running along the pier as much as possible and it made me feel stronger and happier. With each step that I took and each word that I read, I felt better about myself.
I'm not going to lie, it wasn't until well into college that I was fully ready to embrace that tattoo and to embrace myself. It took a lot of unlearning what I already knew to be able to realize that I'm worth so much more than what someone has to say about me. This quote that I keep hearing, which resonated with me, goes: "It's none of my business what others think of me." That's right. If it's not me saying it, then I don't need to know. I couldn't possibly care less if you think I'm overweight because I know I'm doing the best that I can to better myself. Your negativity doesn't matter.
All in all, I do love my body and I do love myself. I try really hard to be as positive as possible, which doesn't always come easily to me. If it's not easy for you either, just remember to keep trying. Negativity shouldn't matter to you because you're far too important to be put down. It's going to take time and even when you feel good about yourself, there may be something nagging at you in the back of your mind. Just keep pushing forward and constantly try to be the best version of you. I really do love me and I hope you can love you.
