How Yoda From 'Star Wars' Saved My Life
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

How Yoda From 'Star Wars' Saved My Life

"Do or do not, there is no try."

135
How Yoda From 'Star Wars' Saved My Life
starwars.com

I was 15 the first time I tried to kill myself. But try is an arbitrary word.

One day, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, after a forced two week stay in a behavioral health facility, I finally got the help I needed in getting set up with the proper medications and even a therapist. I told my therapist I was trying to get better. Vaguely knowing me as a nerd, she responded with, “Do or do not, there is no try.” My world shifted. “Holy shit,” I thought to myself, “this woman just quoted 'Star Wars.'”

What I didn’t know at the time is that this phrase would end up keeping me alive. Maybe there was some part of me that wanted to wake up after taking a whole bottle of prescription pills. Maybe there was a part of me that wouldn’t. I could try and do something but in the grand scheme of life, any act will either be done or not.

Now, for me, there were two options- to get better, or, to not get better. When I weighed out the ability to choose one of two options, the effort seemed clear, life seemed worth it. With the eight words of a 2' 2" Jedi Master, I would tell myself that my sadness was life or death, and death was not an option. Thanks to a little green man named Yoda, I would get better.

While in the deepest trenches of my long-diagnosed yet under-cared for chronic depression, there were very few things that I could still enjoy. "Star Wars" just so happened to still give me a sense of joy, but due to my own self-loathing, I couldn’t motivate myself to watch it or listen to the soundtrack. Fuck, for years I told myself I would make my ringtone for my dad the imperial march but my disorder made me too lazy to take action on even the smallest of tasks.

It wasn’t easy, this notion of getting better, but the green man on my back somehow alleviated the weight of the worry on my shoulders. I had to be patient, for “Patience you must have, my young padawan.” It wasn’t going to happen overnight. I wasn’t going to immediately move the scissors from my bedside table, and I wouldn’t stop waking up in the middle of the night to a wet pillow for a while. But as time went by, the tears came less frequently. I would take the steps toward getting better, but doing so I needed to know how.

“In a dark place we find ourselves, and a little more knowledge lights our way.” I started to make an effort once a week to do something I enjoyed. Whether that be cooking myself a fancy potato dish, going out to the movies, or playing soccer with my friends - I forced myself to make that effort. I took my medicine every day. I was starting to get better. I was getting better at making better decisions, because there was a point in time where I didn’t know that the pain I was inflicting on myself was wrong. I didn’t understand what self-love was, and I had been trained to hate myself for years.

"You must unlearn what you have learned,” Yoda said in The Empire Strikes Back. The things I knew to be true, the things that told me that I was not worth it - that was all bullshit. I had to unlearn a past that told me that my illness was not okay. I had to unlearn the stigma that told me that I would never be happy, no matter how hard I tried to be. I had to learn to not try, to just do. (I’ve always believed that Nike and Yoda should team up, but unfortunately in the past, Yoda wouldn’t be alive to see Nike come to fruition.)

This past week, I lost an old friend. She didn’t make it out of the place where I once was. There is a darkness in addiction, a similar darkness that comes with depression and lack of self-worth. In these dark times, I have to go back and listen to another lesson that Yoda once taught me. “Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force…” I don’t believe in heaven, or angels, or a god, but I believe in the power of the force. If a fictional green character can help me stay alive, then a lost friend can turn into the power of the force and surround me every day with her power and laughter. "Star Wars" saved my life, but it didn’t save my friend’s. I just have to keep reminding people to get better, not to just try.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

936697
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

113532
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses
Pinterest

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less
New Year Resolutions

It's 2024! You drank champagne, you wore funny glasses, and you watched the ball drop as you sang the night away with your best friends and family. What comes next you may ask? Sadly you will have to return to the real world full of work and school and paying bills. "Ah! But I have my New Year's Resolutions!"- you may say. But most of them are 100% complete cliches that you won't hold on to. Here is a list of those things you hear all around the world.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Ultimate Birthday: Unveiling the Perfect Day to Celebrate!

Let's be real, the day your birthday falls on could really make or break it.

81390
​different color birthday candles on a cake
Blacksburg Children's Museum

You heard it here first: birthdays in college are some of the best days of your four years. For one day annually, you get to forget about your identity as a stressed, broke, and overworked student, and take the time to celebrate. You can throw your responsibilities for a day, use your one skip in that class you hate, receive kind cards and gifts from loved ones and just enjoy yourself.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments