Fear is a really weird thing. Everyone has fears. Everyone is motivated by fear. Most people have some strange, irrational fear: mine being expired milk. Bring it near me and I’ll run for cover while screaming for my mommy. Some fears need to be conquered and others need to be managed. We all have fears, so What’s your worst fear? seems to be a perfect question to ask to fill the awkward silence of a first date. I used to think that our worst fears are what made us unique, special, one-of-a-kind; some people are scared of heights, some are scared of snakes, some fear tight places, or the ocean, while some even fear the number 13 (triskaidekaphobia, look it up if you don’t believe me). It seems to me that our fears shape us as a person, even describe our personalities, make us who we are, but when I asked that question the other day, I received an unexpected response.
“Are you talking about trivial fear (fear of coconuts) or existential fear (fear of dying alone)?” Never before had I thought about fears that way, so as I searched my brain for any kind of reply, I was met with dumb silence. That’s such a weird concept. There are two different types of fears: the ones that make us unique and the ones that everyone has, that bond us together.
A few weeks later, this weird idea of fears continued to simmer in my mind. I mean, really, no one ever asks what’s your worst fear and expects someone to say, dying alone. But it’s true; I’m afraid to die alone, I’m afraid that nobody likes me, I’m afraid that I’m just simply present, I’m afraid rejection, failure, and close relationships. Some people relish change and savor the unknown in life, while others prefer to sit back and enjoy their comfort zone. Some people are scared to live their life, some are scared to die, but the few people in the world that are scared of dying without living their life are the people we all want to surround ourselves with.
These are the inspirational people, the ones with the amazing stories, the ones that seek out the unknown, and try things most people would never dream of. They are not fearless. These people are the happiest I know, and they have the same exact fears that you and I do, yet they cut through their fears with a razor sharp blade and move past it, continuing to live their lives.
I’ve spent the past year of my life facing my fears head on and I’ve never felt so alive. Heights terrify me to the point that standing on a counter top and looking down can paralyze me with fear. Dueling with this fear has led to some of the most incredible moments of my life. I’m an avid rock climber, a daredevil that cliff jumps from 30 feet above the water, and a maniac that’s been working on their skydiving license. Moving across the country, I began school at a college in which I knew not a soul on my first day. I was scared and afraid, but UC Berkeley has become my home. Participating in life, instead of sitting on the sideline watching and afraid, generates a swell of adrenaline that pours over every inch of my body; it makes me feel alive in this world.
It’s scary to face the things you’re afraid of (yet another fear most people have), but I think doing so is one of the few ways that truly, honestly, and genuinely makes us feel alive. We have to live our lives, so why should we spend it hiding behind our fears. I’m going to make the most of every single day. I’m going to fall in love too quickly, jump out of airplanes like a crazy person, lay my heart and soul on the line, and let people know the true Rachel. Because if I don’t do that, if I don’t try to live my life, do something that scares me every day, then I might as well be six feet under. So, the next time you think about what your worst fear is, pause for a second, and pretend like your worst fear is that you won’t live the life you want to. Go out and adventure, scare yourself because that’s how we live. It’s ok to be afraid but remember something: no good story ever started with “everything went perfectly and…”
