"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place." - Kurt Vonnegut
I think it's so scarily easy to let experiences shape your view of the world; I did that for a long time. But looking back, I was such a bitter person with so many insecurities, and instead of facing them, I acted like I didn't care, like I was above it all. I had accepted that it was just me against the world. To an extent, I was even proud of my bitterness. I thought it made me special, made me this girl who held her own in the world because she'd been stepped on too many times. I thought I had uncovered the secret to life: that all people would ever do was use you to benefit themselves, and that there was no such thing as "a genuine friend.”
Most of all, I resented everyone. That's no way to live your life. I was gliding by without a clue, letting so many small things make me so angry and spiteful. So many people in my life were telling me my heart had changed, but I brushed it off telling them, "You don't understand how life works. Everyone has hidden intentions that will only hurt you.”
I wish I could tell you the exact moment that I realized how negative and unhappy I was, but I can't. Maybe something like this has to be a gradual realization. I had spent a short year surrounded by unaccepting people, and that was enough to destroy my happiness. How did I let it get to that point? Other people hated their situation just as much as I did, but they didn't let it destroy them.
Maybe everyone lets their surroundings affect them so deeply when they're young. That one remark that girl spat out as she passed you, that rumor going around about you, those people scrambling to get the best seats next to the "most popular" girls, it all doesn't matter. I was so stupid for caring about all of that. But that's inevitable isn't it? All little girls care about is what other people think.
Now, I've found that not caring is the most freeing realization in the world. That sounds bad, but hear me out. I don't mean the "not caring" I used to do with the subtle undertones of "I hate everyone." I mean being confident enough in yourself to the point when what other people do doesn't bother you anymore, being able to laugh it all off as a testament to how insecure that other person is. That feeling is utterly amazing. That kind of not caring is incredible.
I don't think you learn how to do this, I think it may just happen. I remember the first time I caught myself thinking
Wow, that person is actually pretty rude
instead of…
They don't want to sit with me, I must be
1. Boring
2, Not worth it
3. Unpopular
4. Stupid for even trying
Maybe a blissful indifference is the best way to handle difficult people. Do NOT let them steal your happiness. But, most importantly, do NOT let them steal your softness. The world is a beautiful place, but you choose the way in which you look at it. This quote from author, Kurt Vonnegut, was my New Year's Resolution a couple years ago.
"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place." - Kurt Vonnegut
To all the girls still struggling with themselves, it gets SO much better. You find people who make you feel happy and confident. Just stop telling yourselves you're not worth it.
