Love is patient. Love is kind. We all know the narrative, right? See, here’s the funny thing about narratives – they don’t all have a happy ending. Ironic. I’m 20-years-old and I'm good so far, in terms of love. I don’t necessarily mean romantic love, but love in a general sense. I’ve had friends that I loved so passionately that I would break curfew just to hang out with. I have family that I love so much that when they had pain in their hearts, so did I.

So why do I keep reading blogs that in essence say that I, because I come from a family of divorce, am a cold-hearted person incapable of loving another person?

This is one of the most untrue things. Divorce is not for everyone, but somehow it happened to my family. During Christmas, I see my parents interact as friends which is something that I would never have expected to see as a child. My parents are free. Some look at divorce and see sin. They see divorce and see a giant blemish on the face of life, but me? No such thing. My parents are free. They aren’t playing in the charade that so often people do. As crazy as it sounds, they set an example for me. By showing me their inability to love, they showed me how to love.

Here are six life lessons that divorce has taught me:

1. Marriage just isn’t for everyone, and that is okay.

I know that this is an unthinkable thing for some, but let’s take this one for what it is. People get married and then they start a list of expectations that are answered with disappointment; she expects the trash to be taken out on time, for him to kill all the spiders, and for him to have gotten the skills of a handyman as soon as the words “I do” came from his mouth. He expects more than just a shoulder rub and a clean house, even though he throws his socks on the floor instead of the hamper. It’s not the case for everyone, but it is the case for some. Sometimes marriage just puts so much pressure on a relationship that it gives way. And that can sound bad, but what if it gives way to something even better than you could have imagined?

2. Sometimes things fall apart for better things to fall together.

Like I said earlier, my parents are friends. When I was a kid, I rarely saw my father and mother get along. It was literally fighting and screaming 24/7 and it was the norm for me. Now, they can sit in the same room without world war III happening. My family is stronger than it has ever been and we don’t need a certificate of marriage to prove that.

3. I am enough.

When I was kid, I sometimes believed that the divorce was my fault. I heard the word slung around by my mom so much that I even went to school and bragged to my teacher about it. Ms. Moore, I am sorry because now that I am adult, I realize how that must have troubled you. I was obsessively trying to be equally as nice to mom as I was to my dad and vice versa in order for them to both to feel equally loved. I couldn't choose a side. It is crazy because now I know that my parents – even though they don’t necessarily love one another – still love me. I am worthy of their love. Just because they divorced each other doesn’t mean they divorced me.

4. Make your own money and depend on yourself.

My mother has deeply instilled in me that I should always look out for myself in the end. My mom was basically screwed when the divorce happened. She’d thrown away her life for another person, essentially. She didn’t have a college degree and didn’t have a lot of job experience either. This led to student loans and many nights of me falling asleep on my Granny’s couch while my mom was at school or at her third shift factory job. Because of this, my mom made sure that I knew MY education came first and that I needed to rely on me, myself, and I for financial support. “You never know when someone will jerk the rug from under you,” she would say. Now, I work my way through college and I know the value of a dollar. No spouse will ever be able to take that away from me.

5. Being married doesn’t make a family a “family."

Some of my greatest memories of my family are from the post-divorce era of my life. I lived with my mother and younger sister and I can’t even begin to tell you of all the amazing memories I have of this version of my family. You know, one of the most terrible things I’ve ever had to go through wasn’t even the divorce. It was growing up in a home where my parents needed a divorce.

6. The importance of marriage.

This one is probably my favorite. I didn’t grow up in church, but somehow, I found my way to Christ. I was taught a new concept of marriage and it was kind of confusing for me at first because all I really knew was the type of marriage my parents had. But in the bible study I was in, I was taught that Jesus is the bride-groom and that the Church is the bride. So, marriage is supposed to be this wonderful unit that my parents just didn’t have. I saw that a marriage is supposed to be patient and kind and not boastful. Jesus sets an example in what I should look for in my own marriage someday, if that is the path I take. I now know what not to do and I know that if my marriage is really just a never ending path to letting another person down, then I need to put myself in check and remind myself that love is patient and kind.

So, as you can see, divorce is not the worst thing that can happen to a family. Divorce is not my whole story, nor is it my parents'. Is it a chapter? Sure. But the whole book? Definitely not.