Last year, I started noticing something about the way people tend to interact with each other. We love talking to others and laughing and enjoying each other’s company, but we rarely tend to be fully present in our conversations. It’s not because we’re not interested in what other people have to say or we’d rather be somewhere else, but it’s because we have our phones with us all the time. When we get to class, the first thing we do it pull out our phones and see if we missed anything on Twitter from the last time we checked it, which was probably about ten minutes ago right before we left for class. Some of us stay on our phones during class, and those who don’t, pull them out as soon as class is finished. At meals, we sit down at the table and our phone is set right next to our plate. When we’re walking or standing or doing almost anything else, our phone is often right in our hand, ready to send a text or Snapchat at any moment. Most of our days, we have the opportunity to be engaged in conversation with people in all of these scenarios, but we tend to pick the easier option and engage ourselves instead with our phone.
Earlier this year, I noticed that I tended to be a major offender of this habit. I didn't notice my problem until I started to become frustrated with a friend who was even more obsessed with her phone than I was. We would be in the middle of a conversation and my friend would pull out her phone to text someone else, and it made me feel really upset. This habit continued throughout each interaction we had and kept getting worse. I noticed the habit was present in every interaction my friend had with other people as well. It made my friend seem completely distant in conversations and it made me feel almost invisible. I didn’t exactly want to hang out with her since I could expect to always have a lower priority than the phone. I knew this friend probably didn’t even realize what she was doing and it was most likely a subconscious action that she had become comfortable with, but it made me worried that if I didn’t stop my own bad habit soon, I would end up like my friend, which was something I really did not want to happen.
At the time I realized this, Lent was about to begin, and I was trying to figure out what to sacrifice since I am always incredibly indecisive as to what I should give up. I wanted to give up something that would benefit my life in some way. As I reflected about the cell phone incidents I had been having with my friend, I decided I wanted to give the gift of presence to my relationships, so I gave up using my phone if I was in the presence of other people. That meant I couldn’t use my phone (unless it was an emergency) if I was walking across campus, eating in the cafeteria, out shopping, hanging out with my roommates, or any other situation in which I had the opportunity to interact with someone else in real life.
Instead of holding my phone in my hand as I walked to class, I put it in my backpack or left it at home. Instead of putting it on the table during meals in case I got any “important” notifications, my phone remained put away. Instead of pulling it out to aimlessly look through Instagram while waiting in line at a store, I kept it in my purse. You get the idea. Essentially, my phone disappeared from my life unless I was alone in my room or on the phone with my mother (who doesn’t seem to like it if I don’t answer her calls or texts, even during Lent).
At first, I thought this task would be easy. “I don’t use my phone that much,", I thought. I was absolutely wrong. I had no idea how much I relied on my phone to distract me when I was bored, avoid interacting with other people (embarrassingly enough), or even just to check Twitter or Instagram throughout the day, even though nothing important ever actually happens there.
The first few days of Lent, every time I had a spare second or I was bored, my instant reaction was to reach for my phone. It took so much willpower to restrain myself. After about a week or so, I was used to not having my phone with me, but I started to notice something else. The lack of my phone allowed me to see even more clearly everyone else’s usage of their own phones. It seemed like every single person I saw was texting as they were walking to class, looking at Twitter as they were standing in line for coffee or sneaking glances toward their screens as they pretended to listen to what their friend was saying to them. Before Lent, I would have been partaking in all of these occurrences without batting an eye. We have become so used to having phones all the time that we simply don’t notice our own behavior with them.
The times I felt the most tempted to pull out my phone and save me from a boring situation occurred when I was surrounded by people I was the closest to. For example, I would be sitting at the table during lunch with a group of friends, and, sadly enough, there would be times when every single one of my friends were on their phones at the same time, completely ignoring everyone else at the table. During those times, part of me wished I could get my phone out so I wouldn’t feel so awkward just sitting, watching all of my friends type away. But, I also felt even more motivated to keep up with my “no phone” lifestyle. I saw how destructive phones could be to conversations, and I intended to no longer be a part of the problem.
Although it was difficult, giving up my phone in public was the best decision I have ever made. It allowed me fully commit to everything I did throughout the day. I noticed how beautiful campus looked on the way to my morning classes. I smiled and said “hi” to a lot more people on the way to class. I had more conversations with friends I encountered. I noticed the people who were shopping at the same stores as me. I noticed the gorgeous sunsets and stars during my evening walks. I was able to devote my full attention to everyone I talked to, and it made my relationships even deeper. Most importantly, I felt closer to God, which was something I wasn’t exactly expecting. Not having my thoughts on my phone allowed me to have a clear mind, which led me to find myself praising God and thanking Him throughout my days. I felt more alive and joyful and present in my life without my phone than I ever did with it. I enthusiastically encourage trying to go without your phone in your hand at all times every now and then. It’s difficult, but connecting with others instead of connecting with your phone is definitely worth it.
