As a child, missing a parent was completely normal. They drop you off at daycare, go to the grocery store, etc. but what if you thought those people who care (and cared) so much never came back?

So the definition of separation anxiety is pretty simple and clear. It's "any similar reaction in later life caused by separation from familiar surroundings or close friends or family."

In my case this poses to be true. Here's the thing, people never want to actually believe that they have any type of disorder. In today's world, it is practically thought to be the end of the world if one has an anxiety disorder or a disorder in general. For the update, nothing and I stress NOTHING is wrong with it.

When it comes to my run in with separation anxiety, it is a roller coaster. I'm the girl that looks at both the good and bad outcomes in a situation. The first few memories that come to mind as a kid involve my parents. They are separated and have been since I was a child, and while my mom would drop me off at school or when my parents would exchange me, I thought I would never see them again. I began to think about not seeing either one of my parents again. This hasn't just been with my parents, but with friends and other family members too. It has lent a hand in ruining relationships and friendships. Recently, my boyfriend has gotten small glances of what happens when it completely controls a certain situation; and thank goodness he hasn't gotten up and left (yet). Not once has he said that he cannot take it when I break down because I just spent at least five days with him, I'm en route to my house and I spontaneously start breaking down, and I am unconditionally thankful for that.

I bet if you're reading this, you have no clue what exactly happens when a anxiety fit hits. It's basically the point of no return at times. With me, I start to only think of that situation, I begin to over analyze every teeny tiny detail, and then begin to break down. I know that doesn't sound like much, but a heck of a lot more happens that I just cannot explain over an 800 word piece of writing. The anxiety leaves me feeling like I will never be good enough for anyone and that I need to change my way of life in order to conform to someone else's views. If I am not around the people who I am closest to, I begin to feel alone and lost. It begins to appear that they will never return. I lose that sense of companionship. When I say that it ruins relationships, I'm not lying. Overanalyzing kills and can make you think of the worst things possible, those things make you believe that the person you care for most will eventually leave you in the dust. Every relationship, whether friends or lovers, goes through good and bad times, but in this case, there may be more bad than good. I'm lucky to have found someone (relationship wise) who takes both ends of the spectrum and finds the light at the end of the tunnel. In today's society there's something known as "ghosting". This is when you are speaking with someone and then they replies grow scarce and before you know it they stop. It kills to know that person is most likely gone forever and you just spent your time and effort getting to know them. This practice makes someone go ballistic, but it makes me over-analyze and ask myself what exactly I did wrong. What did I do to make this person stop speaking to me? I automatically blame it on myself and my mind could potentially bounce back to them every once and again. Once I get attached, it's hard to fully let go. When I say this, I mean I'll always think of them as a friend whom I grew close to. I don't mean this in a creepy stalking way, so please don't think of it like that.

I have never truly put my whole self into speaking about my level of anxiety. I never thought that it was something one shares. I always thought that you kept it inside, but the truth is if you do that it will just begin to eat away at you and become just another skeleton on your closet. I'm here to say that it's perfectly okay to talk about. It is not against any social norm to let people know what you're really about, and I believe that there are people in this world that forget about that. Never hide yourself in order to satisfy someone else.