As a person with a disability, you hear a lot of ridiculous things from complete strangers.

Everyone wants to share their seemingly hilarious, but totally unoriginal joke or the admiration they have for you for, well, being disabled. And, yeah, that's all I've got. My identity is really just "a disabled person." They might tell you that they'll pray for you, or they'll tell you how difficult your life must be.

The unfortunate part about these exchanges is my delayed wit. I usually think of a good reply several minutes after the encounter has ended. I always think to myself, "The next time someone says something like that to me, I know what I'm going to say!"

But I usually forget whatever it was that I was going to say. In an effort to make up for the lack of witty and sarcastic comebacks, I have compiled a list of things I, and some of my friends, have been told and what I would give as my reply.

1. “Do you have a license to drive that thing (wheelchair)?"

Why, yes, of course, I got it at the same place you get licenses to ride a bike.

2. “I really admire you. I'd rather be dead than in a wheelchair."

I'd rather be dead than talk to you, so I guess that means we have something in common!

3. “You're so cute!"

And like many cute dogs, I like to bite (growls).

4. “Is that your wheelchair?"

No, I stole it. And would you please keep your voice down? The police are looking for me.

5. “Why are you in that?"

Um, I don't know. Why are you standing on those? That's like, so last year. Ugh.

6. "Do you need help?"

No, but I think you do.

7. “Are you old enough to do that?"

Aren't you too old to be asking stupid questions?

8. “How do you have sex?"

Well, you see, first you take off your clothes and then -- couldn't you ask your Mommy or Daddy?

9. “Do your arms get sore?"

I don't know, does your brain get sore from all that complicated thinking you try to do?

10. “You should get a flag on that thing so people can see you better"

You should get a “kick me" sign to put on your back.

“Why?"

It's just a suggestion.

11. “I need to see people like you every once in a while to remind myself that I don't have it so bad."

Funny, that's what I thought when I saw you.

“Why?"

Oh, it's nothing! Really.

12. “You're so brave!"

I know, it's really hard having to go out and deal with people like you all day. I should get a medal of honor.

13. “Is it hard talking about your accident?"

You know, it really is. Every time I think about it, I think I might pee myself in public again, even if I don't have to go!

14. “When will you be able to get out of that thing?"

It might be a long time, since my chair has now become one with my body and I cannot physically escape its grasp.

15. “Wanna race?"

Let's not and say we did.

16. “You're lucky, you get to sit down all day."

And you're lucky, too! Lucky that you never have to worry about stairs or if the elevator is broken or if there's a ramp.

Image Credit: Kevin André on Unsplash