In a world filled with an urge to be beautiful and successful, we manipulate ourselves into believing that we are not good enough. Self-sabotage is a problem that some women face. I am a victim of self-sabotage and I did not realize how much I was preventing myself from life until I realized that certain actions were causing me to doubt myself.

What exactly is self-sabotage, and why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we set goals for ourselves and then make zero effort to reach them? Self-sabotage is a way of punishing yourself when you feel out of control and when you have unmet desires and needs. You basically live on an emotional roller coaster.

I eat to deal with my emotions, I set goals that I never attempt to start, and I keep myself so busy that I do not have time to deal with any problems that enter my life. I did not realize the how much my own thoughts were messing with my confidence.

What exactly is self-sabotage?

1. Procrastination: Not making time to finish what you started or waiting until last minute.

2. Anger: Unhealthy relationships, or always being negative about situations.

3. Feeling Empty: Putting more importance on others' achievements and ignoring your own.

4. Lack of Commitment: Talking yourself out of seeing certain people or doing tasks.

These things often happen naturally and you do not realize what you are doing. The first step is to realize the millions of thoughts running through your head and being able to adjust your behaviors to overcome them.

Self-Sabotaging behavior can also look like:

1. Making commitments to yourself to work out then hitting the snooze button (I am very guilty).

2. Pretending to be “fine" instead of dealing with your emotions and asking for help.

3. Spending a lot of money on retail therapy when you know you cannot afford it, but you lie to yourself about what you can afford.

4. Eating when you are not hungry, just because you are bored or sad.

5. Talking yourself out of dating someone because of small, irrelevant things.

How to fix it?

First, you need to be honest with yourself. Take responsibility for the actions you are doing and be conscious of them. Punishing yourself will not help your problem, it might just make it a larger issue.

Take things slow, choose one behavior you want to change and focus on just that. Have patience because things do not just change overnight. When you see progress, reward yourself. Rewards should be positive that help you with your goal. Do not reward yourself with junk food if you worked out and were able to beat your mile time, because that is sabotaging the hard work you have done.

The most important thing to remember is to stay positive and love yourself, being negative towards your achievements and body will only make the issue larger than it really is.