9 out of 10 times I enter the gym, I already feel invincible. I don't take pre-workout, "aminos," supplements, any of that stuff. I rarely even have caffeine. But just being in the gym -- that presence of squat racks, and weights, and other people who want to better themselves just as badly as I do -- is enough to get my adrenaline flowing, my endorphins sparking, and my muscles ready to go.
Most people work out either to tone their body, or to bulk their muscles so they can show off later on. While they work out because they want to look good, others work out simply to stay fit. I'm somewhere in-between these reasonings. Years and years ago, I began working out -- mainly, doing cardio -- for the sake of my physical appearance. Then, it was for the competition, once I joined cross country and track and got really into running.
But as I grew sick of that sport, and eventually stopped, I've become more and more influenced to powerlift and weightlift (there's a difference between the two!). As my interest and time in the weight room increase, I find myself becoming more addicted to this incredible hobby, exercise, and pastime. The more I see my muscle showing through these thick layers of skin and fat, the more I want to go back. The more I see my own strength, the more I want to go back.
On my days off, I feel terrible: I feel more tired, more sluggish, even less confident. Lifting weights is like using drugs, in a sense. When I take too much time off, I have legitimate withdrawals, from mood swings all the way to fatigue and weakness. I need to work out. I need my clean and jerks, and my squats, and my deadlifts, and whatever else in order to feel like myself; in order to feel good about myself. With depression and anxiety, it's hard for anything to put me in a mentally good place. Going to the gym puts my in that "place" that I want to be in. It alleviates whatever mental pain I'm going through. Working out is, metaphorically, my anti-depressant, my anxiety meds. My every-kind-of-drug.
It's incredible how I went from once being a couch potato who hated any type of physical activity, to an avid runner, to an avid lifter. It's incredible to see what my body is capable of, and to have experience so many different phases of strengths and weaknesses along the way while trying to find my niche. And who knows -- maybe this is just a phase, too. Maybe in a year or two I'll be a cross-fitter or a hardcore yogi or something. What I do know is that I love the phase I'm in right now, and I know I'll be at it for quite a while.
