One of the things that I found while I grew up is my love for performing. I was always told I was being too dramatic or too loud, and that completely makes sense now. The Witch in the musical "Big Fish" is one of my favorite characters ever. She is only in the show for one song, where she states "when you know how it ends you begin." Boy, if I knew how it ended when I began, I would have done things completely different. I currently am studying radiology so that I can eventually get a two-year degree in diagnostic medical sonography, or ultrasound tech.
Now, this goal was so hard to find. I mean, if I ever had the opportunity to drop everything and perform for a living, I would in a heartbeat. But, my goal had to be "realistic." That's something my mom says to me a lot. Always be "realistic," stop thinking in the clouds. Sometimes I'm worried she brainwashed me into eventually being this white-picket-fence-friendly-neighborhood-with-a-pool-and-a-mini-van person, not like there is anything wrong with that, it just isn't me. For a while I thought that having a dream was a bad thing. There are so many possibilities in life so how do you know that something will not happen?
Now back to the Witch, if you know how it ends, why would you set goals? What would be the purpose? If everything happens and then you know how it goes, why plan your future? Why would you dream if you know it won't happen? Knowing the end of your life would be like looking at the very last chapter of an approximately 90 chapter book before you even start reading it, ruining the very last part of the story.
Knowing how everything works out brings all the fun out of anything, but it also causes pain. I would have loved to know that even after countless fights, me and my best friend would still be together after seven years. It would have saved a lot of stress to know that I made a 96 on the test that I spent countless hours studying for. I never would have doubted myself or wondered if I fit in. I would have known where I belong if I knew where it ended. I wouldn't have been sad or lost friends or been brokenhearted.
Knowing how it ends also destroys the fun. I wouldn't have met some of my closest friends or left some of the most hurtful people I've known. There wouldn't have been drama and I wouldn't have made dumb mistakes and I've made so, so many. But I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned and for being somewhat "realistic" with my goals. There is a certain string of happiness that flows when I imagine myself being a professional director, and no matter what my goals are, that will always be my dream.
