If you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship or friendship, this article is for you.

This is an apology for all that have been taken advantage of by a toxic relationship. I’m sorry that someone had selfishness over you. I promise that all the hurt that you are feeling will soon melt away. I promise that you will get out of this dark hole that you are in right now.

Going through an abusive and toxic relationship is probably one of the most emotionally draining things that I have been through.

It all started out with rainbows and unicorns and then, within days, something switched so quickly. I can’t describe how distant I felt from myself. Every decision that I was making, every move I made, just felt like I was on the outside looking in at myself. I could see myself doing things that I would have never done in a million years.

I didn’t know who I was anymore.

This person was taking away all of my morals and they turned me into someone who I wasn’t. Every day just felt like a constant battle between my true self and the person I was turning into. I felt like I couldn’t grasp onto who I use to be. I couldn’t recognize who I was. I knew at every moment that I should have gotten out of the situation that I was in. Something deep inside my gut was holding me down. There was no escape route for me. Every chance I had to leave, my brain would tell me “If you leave him, you’re not going to find someone else,” but deep down I knew that this was not love, this was not how a man treats a woman if he’s truly in love with her.

I was constantly blaming myself for everything. All the arguments were always my fault.

The only time he needed me was for his own needs. At the end of all of our arguments, I would be the one to apologize first even though half the time I wasn’t the main problem. I was always guilt-tripped into saying sorry when there was nothing to apologize for.

I finally came to the realization that I was in an abusive relationship.

I waited too long to escape it. About a month into our relationship, he sexually assaulted me and then the next day ended our relationship. Not only did I deal with the aftermath of sexual assault, but I was also scarred from an abusive relationship. I’m not going to lie, it sucks for quite some time after you’ve been through something like that.

If you’re going through something similar as to what I went through, just know for a while nothing is going to make sense, you’re going to feel angry, it’s not going to be fun at all.

Everyone around you will ask you why you’re so upset all the time and you’ll blame it in other things. Everyday you’ll wake up feeling frustrated. You’re going to blame yourself a lot, but at the end of all of it, you need to pick yourself up and show that person that they didn’t get the best of you. You were you before you were with this person and you are more than capable of being you after being with that person. I will be damned if I ever let my abuser control the rest of my life.

I didn’t let my abusive relationship conquer my life and neither should you!