Growing up I always felt a little behind. In elementary school, I was friends with girls that boys liked. They would chase each other on the play ground, give each other an extra special Valentine on Valentine's Day, stand next to each other in line going to the library, sit next to each other at lunch; maybe it was because I was so painfully shy, that I never experienced that.

Going into middle school I didn't have a cell phone to talk to boys, I had never had a boyfriend like all the other girls seemed to have had in my grade, no boy had ever been over to my house, I didn't have coed birthday parties, I hadn't even considered having my first kiss like one of my best friends already had.

I began to think something was wrong with me. Why didn't the boys like me? Why have I never had a boyfriend? Boys in my grade don't even look in my direction, and forget them ever trying to talk to me. Why am I the only girl my age who hasn't had their first kiss?

I looked around at the girls guys were interested in. They were skinny. They straightened their hair. They wore makeup. They had a cell phone. They had a Myspace and a Facebook. Their parents let them hang out with boys outside of school. I didn't fit in.

Eventually, I had my small share of boyfriends but the relationships were covered with insecurity, jealousy, anxiety, trust issues, the list goes on and on. I was never not worrying about whether the guy I was dating was going to find someone better. If I didn't see anything in myself worth loving then I figured I was easily replaceable.

My last break up was probably the roughest one yet. I cried, not just one or two tears but enough to create my own ocean. I loved him. I could not understand why I couldn't keep his attention. Why was I not good enough for him that he had to go seeking the attention of another girl? Oh that's right, I wasn't good enough. Silly me.

The insecurities that have been there for as long as I can remember, came washing over me. "You're too fat. You need to work out more. Maybe if you dye your hair this color, he will think you're prettier. You need to go to the tanning bed more, because he likes really tan girls. Your butt isn't big enough. Your stomach needs to be flatter. You should try looking like one of his ex girlfriends, or like one of the girls whose selfie he liked. You're an idiot for thinking someone like him, would ever love someone like you." Over and over again these thoughts played in my head. My world flipped upside down. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat.

Then one night as I laid sobbing in bed, hating myself, I decided to reach out to God, because that was something I hadn't done in a long time. I flipped open the devotion book, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. It had been sitting on my nightstand for a while but I hadn't made the time to start it. What I read next brought me to tears all over again but this time instead of tears of sadness, they were tears of relief and comfort.

"Whenever you feel inadequate, remember that I am your ever-present Help."

"Hope in me, and you will be protected from depression and self-pity."

"The more you cling to this cord, the more I bear the weight of your burdens; Cling to hope, and My rays of Light will reach you through the darkness."

(Just a few sentences I underlined in this particular devotion)

I had not been single for as long as I could remember. I didn't know how to be single. I didn't know how to be alone. I looked for guys to give me self worth. I did not love myself. I looked for boyfriends to full that void for me. I did feel inadequate. I was depressed. I was wallowing in self-pity. And most importantly I did not put forth the right effort in my relationship with God.

At that moment I came to the conclusion that not only did I need to learn to be single, but I needed to learn love myself and start to see myself the way God sees me. I had struggled for so long looking for acceptance in everyone but The One that matters the most.

God has been here all this time, waiting for me to recognize this:

My self worth does not come from having a boyfriend.

My self worth does not come from the number on the scale.

My self worth does not come from how often I go to the gym or how physically fit I am.

My self worth does not come from the color of my hair or the tanness of my skin.

My self worth does not come from how flawless my makeup looks.

My self worth does not come from who likes my selfies.

My self worth does not come from looking, talking, acting, being, like anyone or anything other than who God made me to be.

My insecurities were focused on worldly things. I wasted so many years of my life trying to fit into this mold, and feel love from people who probably didn't even fully love themselves. I put other people's happiness and opinions of what I should and shouldn't do, and how I should look, ahead of my own, and cared more about what they thought of me than what My Heavenly Father thought of me.

But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. -1 Peter 3:3-4

Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong. -Ephesians 2:19-22

So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. -Genesis 1:27

While I still struggle daily with my insecurities, I am slowly but surely learning to love myself. I am single, and no longer looking for a man to fulfill any part of me. I have found the most amazing peace in walking hand in hand with God. He calls me chosen, and beloved. He sees every flaw, every blemish, every mistake I have ever made, He knows my deepest darkest secrets, and He knows how much I long to be loved, wanted and accepted, and in Him, I am.

This snippet of my love life is just an example of how God chooses to work. I had to endure all of the negativity, and body shaming, and emptiness, and falling flat on my face feeling absolutely worthless to realize I am so much more than that. Nothing of this world can fill you up like God can, and more broken we are as we fall at His feet, the more He has to work with.

"Your weakness and woundedness are the openings through which the Light of the knowledge of My Glory shines forth." -Jesus Calling, By Sarah Young

So be alone. Be single. Be broken. And be within God's presence knowing your self worth is great and insecurities are small.