Have you ever had the poops - like the ones where you thought you would not make it? What about a heartbreak? Wow, two very different things, right? But both can cause pain, one will cause your asshole to feel as if it took a vacation to hell, while the other can tear you apart in many forms - emotionally, physically, and mentally. If I was given the option I would choose... option one. You can find me on the toilet for a week, I would even sacrifice two weeks before I would want to encounter another heartbreak.

Here is why I would rather spend a week on the toilet than ever face another heartbreak - again.

I dated an individual for years, we were best friends and he meant everything to me. This guy knew me better than myself, and I should have been more careful. While I will not go on about what happened, I will however briefly explain my reasoning behind my choice by providing the story of my first heartbreak.

My heart was ripped out of my chest on Christmas of 2017. Merry Christmas ya hoe! The feeling was unreal and honestly frightening. How could someone after three years do this to me? - that was all I could think for hours that night. I cried, yelled, and cussed at anyone who would ask me about what happened. I was so numb that my emotions no longer existed. I remember blaming myself - what did I do to make him do this? Did I not put out enough? Did I become some ugly fool? Like, what did I do?

A month went by and I spent many days without eating a single bite of food. I was no longer hungry, I thought that I became too fat - so I starved myself. I thought that if a boy, after three years, thought that I was fat then other boys would too. I weighed 118 pounds, so I was already small, but by the end of January, I weighed 108. I lost ten pounds by feeling fat and most importantly feeling as if I was not enough.

Along with weight, I struggled with my appearance. I felt so ugly. I was verbally abused and I distinctly remember hearing these words the last time I saw my ex, "Wow, did you get new makeup? Wearing that new makeup will not make me want you. Did you think it would make me take you back?" I had those words on repeat. I needed to be more attractive. I began to spend money on expensive foundation, that would hide everything and go as far as going to a dermatologist to get rid of every zit I had so I could feel pretty. I was destroyed.


it has been nine months since then. Nine. It took me nine months to feel okay again. I began to accept myself for who I was - the girl with a big forehead, occasional breakouts, and a tiny body. The pain I felt I would never want to feel again, nor wish it upon anyone else. Time will make things easier, and realizing your self-worth will help you overcome a heartbreak - But Preparation H can heal a burning butthole faster.