The greatest lesson my mom has taught me is something I still carry with me today. In many of my bouts of anxiety, she comforted me with the serenity prayer and showed me how to live by its message. For those of you who have never heard it, the serenity prayer is three simple statements:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”
To a worrier like me, this prayer is revolutionary. Accept the things I cannot change? For years, those were the things I worried about, but now I was being told to accept them – to let them run their course.
This is something I really struggle with because I tend to get caught up on the “what-ifs” of life. What if something goes wrong? What if I can’t fix it? What if it’s just not meant to be? These are the questions that haunt me, those which lurk around my confidence and taunt me to doubt. But this prayer challenges me to handle these questions differently: accept the things I cannot change. What if – what if I was never in control of these things in the first place? Now that’s a question that will humble you. But it’s important that we take it to heart. There are some things we can’t change for that reason exactly – we are not in control of them. But we know the God who is and we are challenged to trust Him. That’s where we find peace.
Serenity is defined as the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled. I don’t know about you, but the state of being untroubled is something I desire. It is something we find in the arms of our God who can change the things we cannot. This is the first challenge of the prayer.
The second is to have courage. If we desire change, it is of ourselves to see it out. That takes courage. Why? Because change is never comfortable. You know what’s really comfortable? Dormancy. A life that is static and passive. It never requires you to lift a muscle. But that’s not a life I desire, and if every day is as good as it can get, then it’s not a life worth living. We must live for more. Change isn’t comfortable, and in fact, it’s even revolutionary. But it’s necessary. It’s a responsibility that calls us all.
I think, however, the most important challenge of this prayer is the third one. Wisdom to know the difference. It’s essential that we can distinguish between what we can and can’t change or else we will spend so much time in vain.
If you can’t change it, accept it. Honestly. Don’t waste your energy trying to change something when you know very well that it won’t change. That would just be silly to exhaust your resources in such an empty effort. Take a broken vase as an example. Once it’s broken, it’s broken. You can try to put it back together, but it will never be the same. Even if you glue it back together, it will always be a hundred-some pieces – never whole again. Why? Because some things just don’t change. As much as we desire to change our past, there are some decisions we can’t go back on.
But rest assured, the things that we can’t change are things that God can use. For “we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Rom. 8:28).
And that’s a promise. God will use your past – the things you wish you could change – and He will create something beautiful. We don’t have to change the past. We need only to trust our God because He can do us one better – He will change our present. And one day, we will be able to look back and see how everything we used to be has made us everything we are today.
Maya Angelou said, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."
Change your attitude. Change your perspective. Change your way of thinking. And watch in awe as our God takes control.
