Sometimes, when someone treats you poorly, you attempt to decipher their motivations. You figure they didn’t mean it, and you make excuses for their behavior. Maybe you even decide you were the one at fault. This is a damaging cycle, and it’s time to realize you deserve better.

Accounting for your worth and removing yourself from toxic situations is far from selfish. You serve others best when you are happy. We all owe it to ourselves to be a little selfish sometimes. You owe it to yourself to be able to say “I deserve to be treated better.”

When you can look yourself in the mirror and understand what you bring to the table, you will become an unstoppable force. Coming from someone who previously felt the need to make everyone happy all the time, trust me; demanding respect is liberating. You have the right to decide who plays a role in your life and who does not.

Even with small interactions, I used to tell myself “I should have seen that coming. I should have known.” But how are you supposed to know? When someone ignores you, brushes you off, leads you on or otherwise don’t beat yourself up for not knowing better. Realize sometimes people do bad things, and that is on them and them only.

If you’ve ever been told that you need to stop letting people walk all over you, remember two things. Standing up for yourself will increase your confidence, and you will become stronger as a result. And, just because you “let them” doesn’t mean you deserved it. Focus on discovering what makes you a force to be reckoned with and better yourself accordingly. Eventually, you’ll learn what types of people you wish to associate with.

Remember that you are your harshest critic. Redirect your self-talk towards more positive aspects. Compliment yourself every once and awhile. When you can pinpoint your best qualities, your self-worth will inherently rise. Try to cut back on the jabs your brain hurls out when you make small mistakes. Accept that you aren’t perfect, learn from your mistakes, and pledge to do better next time.

What resonated with me the most in terms of upping my self-confidence was learning to do things on my own every once and a while. It gave me the chance to figure out who I was when I had no expectations to live up to. I learned where my focus is directed when the entire world lies at my feet, with a lack of surrounding footprints to guide me. You are the only person who always knows what you’re thinking. You have to learn to live with yourself by yourself.

All that being said, don’t change your social demeanor, and don’t think any of this means you have to go through life alone. Only recognize that in the journey of self-realization, you are going to need to spend some time on your own. As long as you are kind and act with good intentions, you shouldn’t contemplate whether or not you deserved to be the recipient of mean comments or to be strung along.

I’m not saying your right is to only ever experience sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes we all need a wakeup call. The key is being able to recognize your value amidst all the chaos. You are a human being, and you have the right to honesty. You deserve to be treated with compassion.

Wondering “What do I deserve?” can become a slippery slope. As a general guideline, think; would I put someone through this? A lot of times it’s obvious to anyone on the outside that you wouldn’t hurt others like they hurt you. It’s difficult being in the middle of a mess of a relationship or friendship and coming to terms with the fact that an escape is evident and necessary. As a general guideline, surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself.

Surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself a majority of the time. And if they ever make you feel bad make sure they’re not intentionally doing so. If you’re wondering if it’s intentional, consider the frequency. If the poor treatment is frequent, and you’re left feeling low more often than not, it’s time to move on.

It’s not easy to cut ties. Trust me, it’s messy, sometimes it’s heart-wrenching, it’s painful, it can even feel like you’re the villain. But remember that you can only be the best version of yourself when you make choices with your best interest in mind sometimes. You are gold, don’t let anyone convince you that you aren’t worthy of a great life.