You snuck into my life at the age of 13 without warning. You made me isolate and push my friends and family away. You made me think the bullies were right and made me physically hurt myself. You made me think suicide was the only answer. I never thought that I would have so much resentment to you. Now I sit here with scars that I have to live with forever. Why? Why would you do this to me?
I did not ask for any of this. I did not ask to be called the names that have been said. “Suicidal freak,” “easy to rape,” “lightweight;” those words run through my head like an unending circle. I hate you, and I hated myself even more. My confidence was at a low two. You made it that way. You made me think that those random guys I’ve slept with cared about me. Every weekend was the way to escape into my happy place, from drinking to drugging, you controlled me then. You won.
You made me so physically, mentally, and emotionally ill. You not only forced me to ask for help, but you got me hospitalized. You hurt my friends and my family. Though you did show me who my real friends are, and I thank you for that, but you still are a speck of dirt to me. You do not belong in anyone’s life. I do not wish you on even on my enemies.
You and your friend, anxiety, need to find other stuff to do. All you do is tear me down and I am sick of it. I wish you never have come into my life. You have made me irritable and made me become this bitch I never was before. Getting out of bed, taking a shower, cooking a meal, are the simplest but hardest task you put me through.
I sit and dream of running my car off the road. I contemplate and plan my death. Being sad is not what you bring, you bring a 20 ton shadow that I constantly cannot get away. I hate you, and everything you do. Not only have you made me ill, but all around the world boys and girls suffer from you. You invite yourself in when you are not welcomed. You make parents see their children without a pulse and that is the most screwed up thing to do.
The times we spent together meant nothing to me. You thought you were welcomed into my life, but you weren’t. You do not define me anymore. You do not decide my emotions anymore. I wish that you would leave me alone, and not call me, write to me, and leave my family out of this. Do not think that since you aren’t in my life anymore you can transfer to someone in my family. This is the final goodbye.
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