Depression truly is the devil on my shoulder.
I kept thinking over the past few weeks when my depression has been all consuming, overbearing, and very very heavy, how nice it would be to have an accountability partner or someone to get me out of bed, tell me to go to class, make sure I'm doing chores, make sure I'm eating correctly, and make sure I'm taking care of myself. I realized that what I was asking for was an angel, and I was asking for an angel because depression was the opposite: the devil.
The devil on my shoulder tells me to go back to sleep, to sleep until the middle of the afternoon, to blow off that class, to blow off the assignment since I already missed class.
Depression tells me to eat unhealthy because I feel terrible anyway, and to leave the dishes in the sink for when I'm feeling up to it. But depression also tells me I've left 4 days of dishes in the sink and now am overwhelmed at the stack and should go to sleep instead of loading the dishwasher. Depression tells me my writing doesn't matter, my art doesn't matter, my body doesn't matter, my friend and family don't matter, my schoolwork and classes don't matter, my hobbies don't matter, my jobs are pointless and I'm bad at them, that I'm ugly and fat, and that I shouldn't go out and ruin everyone else's time by taking up space with this giant devil on my shoulder. I tell me that plants will make me happier, and depression tells me that it's my fault they're dying and that there's nothing I can do to nurse them back to life. Depression tells me if I can't even take care of some houseplants from Home Depot, how can I be in control of my own life? The devil on my shoulder reminds me that he controls my life. That it is he who wants me to sleep all day and miss appointments, class, and work. Depression tells me that I take up too much space and that I'll never be good enough. Depression truly is the devil on my shoulder.
If the devil on your shoulder gets too powerful and you feel helpless or suicidal, please call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
