Growing up, I felt like having depression wasn’t a real illness and that it wasn’t a big deal to have suicidal thoughts. This thought was in craved into my mind so much that I began to start thinking I should just accept depression and live with it. When I first felt depressed, I was about fifteen years old. Some parts of my life I don’t remember because it is still too painful to think about so I blocked it out of my memory. The things I do remember were breaking down in class, eating lunch in the bathroom so I didn’t have to face anyone, making up excuses to stay home by myself, having suicidal thoughts, lose of appetite, feeling not worthy of love etc. Since I became depression I created a belief in my mind that something was wrong with me because I knew most “normal teenagers” didn’t feel as sad and lonely as I did. Depression is one of the reason why I always felt like I was an outsider and why I never really had a strong core group of friends.
Today, I am here to say, don’t ever just live with your depression because you think it isn’t a real illness. Depression is actually very common and can be very detrimental to anyone’s future. I encourage everyone to listen to the way they feel and not ignore any signs of depression because you don’t want to make a big deal about it. Truth is depression is a big deal. Depression changes your chemicals in your brain and when you have chemical imbalances it shifts the way you live your life as well. It has taken some time to realize my worth and become the strong women I know I have the potential to become. I only started to become genuinely happy the past few years because I have been focusing on myself rather than thinking about what everyone else thinks of me. What has helped me the most was focusing on what I want in my future. I made a plan for my goals in my life and then I made a plan B and a plan C. I wanted to know even if my plans didn’t go the way I planned did, I won’t fall back into the depressed life that I once had. This was my happiness. Creating a clear and strong vision for myself and going out and getting everything I want in my life. Some days I feel like the whole world is against me and I don’t even know why I have set out these crazy goals for myself. Depression doesn’t just magically disappear. It takes time and hard work to become stronger mentally. But at the end of the day, my good days always overrule my bad days because I know I have a lot more love in my life than hate. I choose the live I life. I will not let anything, especially depression, stand in my way anymore. Since I have gone through depression I know how low I’ve been and now I know exactly how high I can go. Even though depression is a way I once thought I don’t believe I am destined for a life with depression.