I was depressed. I've been depressed. I have went through some hard times in my life, but the day that I admitted to my father that I was depressed, I felt as though there was a little ray of hope at the end of the tunnel.
I wanted to quit high school going into my senior year because I felt as though I could not continue through the burden of actually getting up out of the comfort of my bed, the safety of the darkness, the sun blocked out of my eyes by the black out curtains my father had bought thinking it would help me sleep through the morning, when it was actually the whole day I wanted to sleep through.
Depression is the lagging pain left behind by mental distortion, caused by many different events in your life. Personally, my depression is unknown. Maybe it all started in third grade when I was pushed down in the bathroom because I wore a Hannah Montana shirt, and those three girls didn't like it. Or maybe it was in sixth grade when a group of eighth grade girls was upset because they heard I had a crush on one of their brothers, and they bashed me saying, "he would never date 'a girl like you'?" Or maybe even in eighth grade when a boy for once flirted with me and a 'popular' boy said "ew, why would you flirt with her?" It was probably one of the many times throughout high school, when I lost multiple people close to me.
People think i'm a lagging, lazy high schooler, who doesn't want to come to school for some unkown reason, but the reality of it all is that when I wake up and literally feel pain, I do not want to go face those who I have grew up letting run over me. I go to that place and put on my mask of confidence and smiles, and joke throughout the day, but little do they know, when i'm home alone at night, I take that mask off and face the truth.
No matter when my depression started, I now understand that I do not need to deal with this anymore. I want a permanent mask. I admitted it to someone, that was a start, and now this is my message to everyone who will read this. You are loved by someone. You have a purpose. you're afraid to tell people how you feel because it will destroy them, so you bury it deep inside yourself where it destroys you, but I once read something that says "right now you might be in a situation that you think you won't survive but six months ago you were in a situation you didn't think you'd survive and two years before that you were in a situation you didn't think you'd survive and the point is you will always surprise yourself and you will always make it through." Thomas Jefferson once said "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on." Those are my words to live by.
