When you're with me it's chaos and destruction. Something I am so accustomed to experiencing. when I'm in your presence nothing else seems to matter, nothing seems to grab my attention since it is all focused on you and your pretty deceiving mask you wear. It's like when I'm with you the world stops and all I can see is you, all I can feel is you. You, depression, are my mistress. You seduce me every time, and I cannot help but fall more for you. All my friends say "snap out of it, you just have to get over this hill." But until you've been chained up by this monster, you have no understanding of just how hard it is to unlock yourself from it's grasps. When you hold on to me so tightly, it's like all I can hear is your voice and all your laughing in my head.
You gently yet ever so viciously tear at my skin, trying got free yourself from my body…Wait, no, that's me trying to cut you out of my body and mind. I'm not in control of my thoughts when you're around, I'm not in control of my actions, so it seems. When you're in my head screaming at the top of your lungs, “Just go kill yourself! You're worthless!” You seem to have this grasp on me that I can get loose from. You control me. I try and cut you out of my body, but no matter how deep or how long I go I can't seem to get you out. What do we do now? What are we left with? You are left with your pride and dignity, and a victory. While I'm left with a body full of scars, and a mind that is damaged. You destroyed me past the point of repair. Every Goliath has a David, and right now I'm fighting like no other to get you out of my body.
It has been months since you've shown your face around me, it's almost as if your scared to pop back up. Maybe all that self torture I did actually worked to get you out of my head. Maybe after I opened myself up to help, you couldn't take a fair battle. Maybe, just maybe, I started taking a medicine that corrects this ungodly mistake in my body, this chemical imbalance. You. Every day is easier with you not around, and although I feel you talking to me in the shadows and corners of my mind, you don't scare me. I have an army behind me that is not scared to fight.
Sometimes I wonder if it is too good to be true, you know, this whole not struggling with depression thing. But then I remember I've over come this part of it, a part that I didn't think was possible to overcome. I know now that with help and constant prayer that this mountain is nothing more than a mole hill. I still question a temporary relapse, and the likelihood of that happening, but with a God, some medicine and wonderful people in my corner, this fight is always going to play in my favor.
