Ahh, Christmas time! It's a time to spend with family and friends, showing each other just how much you love them. It's a time to indulge in traditions and revert back to being a child. It's a time to be merry and spread the cheer of the holiday with others. There's even a soundtrack to the season that plays on radio stations, in department stores, and fast food restaurant bathrooms! It's a truly happy time, but unfortunately these songs had to be written. These terrible Christmas songs have the potential to make Santa Claus cancel Christmas this year. Here are the suckiest Christmas songs of all time, and some suggestions for what you should be listening to instead.

17. "Grown Up Christmas List"

This song begs for the end of wars, and "no more lives torn apart," but I'm pretty sure this song lead us into Iraq. It's that lame.

16. "Last Christmas"

This song lands a spot on our list because of its popularity. Whenever it comes on, anyone within a 200-mile radius will ironically sing along, and it's the worst.

Instead, listen to: Under The Mistletoe by Masked Intruder

15. "Happy Holidays"

Okay, this song is a classic. However, this song gets slated at number 15 because of its totally lame lyrics "With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock/And don't forget to hang up your sock!" I've never said "whoop-de-do," and where does hickory dock come from? It has no place in a Christmas song, and the fact that it's only there to rhyme with "sock" just makes me angry.

Instead, listen to: Pennsylvania Holiday by Valencia

14. "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"

This song is sooooooo annoying. Although originally sung by a child, making it charming, many adults feel the need to sing along to this one in a child-like voice and it's so, so wrong.

13. "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas"

I hate this song for the same reason I hate "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth," but I hate this one even more because after this song came out, the Oklahoma City Zoo decided to give the singer of the song, Gayla Peevey a baby hippopotamus named Matilda. The hippopotamus then spent 45 years in the Oklahoma City Zoo, and then had a heart attack in 1998 while being transferred to Disney World's Animal Kingdom, and died. Matilda did not sign up for any of that. Zoos are evil and animals are not meant for our entertainment. Remember Matilda when you listen to this song.

Instead, listen to: I Won't Be Home For Christmas by blink 182

12. "Little Saint Nick"

This song really grinds my gears because I just found out that it's about a sled that they called Little Saint Nick. Despite the fact that this is an annoying song, I don't like the subject matter.

11. "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

Ya, I do.

10. "Where Are You, Christmas?"

Christmas can't hear ya, kid.

9. "Do You Wanna Build A Snowman?"

This is not a Christmas song, stop playing it, radio stations! You ain't foolin' nobody.

Instead, listen to: Ho Ho Hopefully by The Maine

8. "Mary, Did You Know?"

What's with all the questions?

7. "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my GOD! This song. This f*cking song. First of all, this song is about how we shouldn't focus on the material things of Christmas and buy into its commercialism because of what is happening in the world. Okay, I dig that, but THEN it says that they don't know it's Christmas just because they won't get any snow. Pennsylvania isn't getting any snow this year either, so that argument is invalid. Then, it says to thank God it's them and not us, which is so messed up. We don't even know if they want to celebrate Christmas in the first place! Stop pushing your beliefs on others! Ugh, Band Aid, you really missed the mark on this one.

6. "12 Days Of Christmas"

Some of the gifts that this person's "true love" sent to them really suck. What is one supposed to do with all these Lords a leaping? This song is only good for when your grandmother asks you what you want for Christmas and you can just hand her the lyrics to this song and say, "not any of this."

5. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

There's a great debate over this song. Some think that the mother is cheating on her husband with Santa Claus, while others think that the father is actually is dressed up as Santa Claus, and obviously the child doesn't know that it is his dad. I agree with the latter, but let's explore how messed up it still is. First, to the kid, it seems like his mom is cheating on his dad. That's a horrible thing for a kid to have to keep secret for years. It could lead to depression, aggression in school, distrust in adults, and later, drug use. Yes, this child is probably a drug addict. But that's not all. This song also insinuates that the mother has a Santa Claus fetish. It was probably a lot of money for the dad to rent that suit, so they're definitely going to get as much use out of it as possible, if you feel me.

Instead, listen to: Merry Christmas, I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight by The Ramones

4. "Santa Baby"

This classic seems innocuous the first 96 times you hear it. But if you're like me, at some point you're like, "wait, wtf man?" Again, this song addresses the Santa Claus fetish. I could probably write an entire essay analyzing this song from a feminist perspective because this song just perpetuates the idea that women can only get what they want through sex, even from Santa Claus. Yo girl, Santa is married, leave him alone.

Instead, listen to: Merry Christmas, Baby by Bruce Springsteen

3. "Dominick The Donkey (The Italian Christmas Donkey)"

I didn't even know about the sub title in parenthesis, which makes it even weirder. If you need to hear an explanation about why this song is terrible, then I don't even know what to tell you.

2. "Christmas Shoes"

I don't like the surprise element of this song. The whole song you're just like "yeah okay this kid is buying a present for his mom, big deal." But then, it's like BAM! His mother is dying, possibly as soon as that very night, and he wants the shoes for her to look nice when she goes to heaven. It's just a bit too much for me. Like, enough with the sad songs, right? I'll take dickory dock over this any day.

Instead, listen to: Fairytale Of New York By The Pogues

1. "Wonderful Christmastime"

If I could go back in time to the early 80's and prevent the tragedy of one Beatle, I'd stop Sir Paul McCartney from writing this song. This song sounds like he did it in one take with the off-key melodies and random synthesizer beats throughout. I can't help but listen to this song and think, "He's punking us, right?" I hope to God he is.

Instead, listen to: Literally anything else.

If you'd like to appeal any of the songs found on this list, know that this list is final and I am taking no further requests. Thank you.