Mind reading doesn't exist, as far as I know, in this world. Often times in a relationship you are left guessing, "What is my significant other thinking?" I was curious enough to get an answer. In an effort to delve into both sides of relationships, I decided to enlist my boyfriend into what I call a "He says/She says" article. The topic was the definition of a relationship. I know our answers do not cover all relationships, but its insight into two sides of the same coin.
She says: A relationship is a random happenstance where you meet a stranger, start liking the stranger and never want to let that stranger go. However, relationships cannot always have a textbook definition. My relationship with my current boyfriend—the “he says” in this article—is drastically different than my previous relationships. That being said, relationships should have three vital elements: trust, love and friendship. Trust comes from being apart and knowing the your significant other isn’t with anyone else but you. Emotionally and physically, that person is yours. This claiming of another person creates a bond, which can reach for three hundred miles. Love, the vital element that seems obvious, has different intensities. In a long term relationship, love is the little things. Making each other coffee, knowing their favorite foods or knowing just how to push their buttons are just some little stuff in a relationship that adds up to love. Friendship is the tacit element in every relationship. Its in the word boyfriend. You should want to see that person and be with that person. If you can’t see them physically, you should see them in that restaurant you always go to or the phrases you start to say because of them. Friendship in a relationship is wanting, not needing, to tell that person mundane, positive and negative events in your life. Friendship is often forgotten in relationships, but is there even when the romance can’t be. The definition of a relationship is claiming a stranger as someone you trust, love and ends up being your best friend.
He says: There is a whole list of different types of relationships but I’m sure the kind that she, the person having me write this, wants me to talk about are of the kind that deal with two people that would consider themselves to be significant others. Defining an intimate relationship like that cannot be done in a matter of a few words but rather looking at three words and using them as measures. The physical, emotional and social aspects of a relationship are what we need to look at when determining and defining a relationship beyond being just friends to something more intimate and possibly even further than that. The physical characters of an intimate relationship that separate it from friendships, and other types of relationships, tend to be more of the obvious things that one can think of: a peck on the cheek before a departure, a hug that goes on a little longer than normal or being wrapped in each other’s arms as the day comes to an end. Obvious, I know, but intertwined in these moments are emotional connections between two people that are more spiritual and existential than the mind can conjure up into sentences and conversations. Rather, those small, shared moments are the physical manifestation of simple unspoken phrases. The emotional element of a relationship really is the sum of shared experiences, because what you are willing to share with your significant other is telling to how much you invest into them emotionally. For instance, if you are willing to share baggage and ugly parts of yourself with someone, then that says you are trusting them to not only to be able to handle it with some level of maturity but also help support you through whatever it may be. Plainly put, the emotional parts of a relationship are less about the “I love yous” and more about the “I trust yous.” Finally, and in my mind the least important, is the social part of defining a relationship and honestly it comes down to whomever it is defining it. What you define as an intimate relationship might not be defined as such by other people, regardless of the label you attach to it. Example, in an abusive relationship where the partner comes back the abuser, the outside observer would not consider that a relationship, but the two people involved still may. However, the social definition of a relationship is also more than just a label. Additionally, it is what limits you on how to react to certain other behaviors from others, such as getting hit on. In sum, all parts of defining a relationship are interconnected and inseparable; when one falls short then the others begin to suffer.
Relationship - an agreement between two persons in which they chose to suffer each other’s worse and best.
Once again, the answers from my boyfriend and myself will not define every relationship. However, its not that strange to see some answers are the same. That being said, I'm not surprised to see that there are differences. No matter what kind of relationship you are in, you grow together.
