We are often told "you can't" or "you'll never make it" in life. The world constantly shows us what we are incapable of, the things that define us in a horrible way. Schools are filled with children daring enough to throw food across a lunch room at the fat girl, and teachers too scared to step in to defend her. Churches are full of judgmental believers, making those deep in faith feel insignificant.

We live in a world that constantly beats us up over our self image, with magazines that create eating disorders, and social media that constantly gives us a reason to think we aren't good enough. As a society, we define ourselves off of how many likes our picture gets, how many guys like our bodies, how many friends we have. We live in a world of quantity, where we should live in a world of quality.

Recently, I have spent less and less time on my phone, especially my social media. For years I've let myself be defined in a quantitative way, and it gets to be exhausting. The less time I've spent on social media, the less time I've spent caring what other people think, the happier and more content I've become.

Over the past few years, months, and days, I've found that living life not concerned about other peoples opinions is the healthiest way to live. Here's how I did it.

If you look closely at my cover photo, you'll see that my left leg seems to be deformed. I've been asked if it's a rash, poison ivy, contagious, a disease, and probably the worst - an STD. I was born with a port wine stain birthmark, that extends from my left foot to my upper back. For years I let myself be defined by the purple stain that creeps up my body, never wearing shorts, and if I dared to wear a dress, thick tights to cover it.

I was embarrassed when people would ask me mean questions about what it was. My parents offered to try to find ways to cover it. I wished my whole life I had two normal legs just like everyone else, but it wasn't possible.

One day, I saw an article online that had pictures of people with port wine stains like me, and how their birthmarks looked like interesting tattoos. It was at that moment when I realized I couldn't change myself, but rather needed to find a way to love my legs as they were.

Sure, there are still days where my birthmark is more prominent than normal, but I still wear shorts and dresses like my legs look the same. You have to learn to love your insecurities, especially the ones you can't change. I no longer fear summer months, instead I am excited for them. And if someone asks me about my leg, I will take the time to explain my condition with a smile on my face.

Like I said earlier, social media plays a large role in our self deprecation. We spend so much time in life comparing ourselves to people that look like they haven't eaten in weeks, hoping that one day if we can be that skinny, then we will be loved. We hope that when we walk into a room, people will turn heads to look at us.

For me, one of the hardest things is to not wear makeup. As I have very Irish roots, I was gifted with a face full of freckles. For 7 years now, I have spent countless hours trying to find the thickest makeup to cover up the freckles that line my face. I would never leave the house, or even use my Snapchat, unless I had makeup on. I feared that someone would see the way I looked and make fun of me.

As life has gotten busier, I have less time to put on my makeup. There have been plenty of days this year where I have gone to class with no makeup on. For a long time, I was uncomfortable without the makeup on my face, thinking I looked ridiculous. However, the more I forgot to put my makeup on, the more I found that I liked what I looked like without it.

So now, I don't always wear makeup. Sure, I still will put it on if I'm doing something important, or if I'm bored - I love to do makeup, it's somewhat of an outlet for me to relax. But on the days where I don't have on makeup, I no longer cringe every time I look in the mirror without it.

There are plenty of things that we are insecure of, things we let define us, that we can't change. Society tells us if only we could just be a little bit better, that we'd be loved. So people endure painful surgeries to fix what they see as a problem, hide themselves away to avoid confrontation, and hate who they are, because of things they can't change.

Instead of trying to change who you are, to be someone else, try being yourself, and loving yourself the way you are. I can promise you, you won't be loved more or less because of the way you look, but instead of who you are inside, and the values and trueness of your heart. So love yourself, and other people will see that love within you, and will love you too. And if they don't, you didn't really need them anyways.

My birthmark and my freckles may be two things I can't help, but there are also things that we avoid doing because we're embarrassed. For example, I love to dance. I may not be very good at it, but singing and dancing around makes me really happy. I sing often at my church, and for a long time, I stood still, barely tapping my foot, so that others wouldn't look at me differently.

One day, in a rehearsal, I began to dance around on the stage as I was singing. Someone else asked why I never did that in the service, and how it was cool how much I got into the worship. After that Sunday, I began to dance more and more as I sang, caring less about what people thought, and more about what made me happy.

Now, I don't care at all what people are saying when I dance around in church. They may be judgmental, or rude, but their words can't take away my joy.

Stop letting other people define who you are. Do what makes you happy. If you have something you've been hiding because you're in fear of what someone else is going to say - guess what - you're the only person who can make yourself happy in this world. So stop trying to please others, when you really should just worry about making yourself happy.

Always,

HMS