Dear Buddy,

I know you must be scared right now, leaving the life filled with toys and sisters and treats that you’ve become accustomed to over the past 10 years. I know you’re going to miss waiting at the door for mom to come home and feed you or for me to come downstairs and roll around on the floor with you. I know you’re going to miss dad throwing around your football, you catching it mid-air, showing off for us all. I’m sure you’ll miss the times the Parmesan cheese came out way too fast and you got a mound of cheese on top of your not-so-delicious doggy food.

I’m sure you’ll miss the walks we took around the block; that is until you got tired and decided to lie down in the middle of the road so we would carry you home. I know you’ll miss the snow and the squirrels and the kisses we, no doubt, annoyed you with.

And most of all, I know you’ll miss me, because I’ll miss you too. More than words can express, and more than I have ever missed anybody in the entire world.

But know this. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. The way that you could sense when I needed cheering up, the way that you loved with all that you had – and even more than you had at the end - and the way that you never once growled or barked without valid reason. You made loving you so easy. Your eyes were filled with love, your heart filled with the purest joy and there is not a more beautiful soul in any being in this world.

So, as you enter your new world, don’t be scared. I promise you will be okay and I will see you again.

Every single dog bed that you have chewed apart will be there restored and waiting for you. Every single toy that we have had to throw out since you ripped the stuffing apart will be restored and waiting for you. There will be no garbage trucks or lightening or thunder or fireworks in heaven. It will be all clouds and beds and couches, and you’re allowed to go on them all. There will be toys filling the spaces, and no leashes to hold you back. When it rains, it will rain treats, and when it snows, it will snow ice cubes that you will, no doubt, jump up and catch in the air.

I will not be able to look at socks, or toilet paper, or tissues, or books or anything else that you loved to chew, without thinking of you. I will not be able to pass a dog on the street for a long, long time without tearing up. I will not ever understand why bad things happen to the sweetest, most undeserving. Life is not fair. The fact that one-day you were running around in the backyard, and the next you were in kidney failure will never cease to stun me. You are so strong and you have proved that time and time again. You made it through bladder stone surgery, spinal chord surgery, seizures and weeks of dialysis. You made it through with a pep in your step and a tongue licking us all.

I would like to think that I protected you from all that I could. Whether that be the pain of seeing us throw away toys you ripped apart, or the dogs three times your size you mistakenly thought were just as friendly as you.

I would like to think I was there for you as much as I could be when I wasn’t at school or work. And I wish I could have been there more, slept with you more nights, given you more treats, opened the car window more times to let you feel the wind in your floppy ears. But all that is in hindsight. I know I gave you more love than anybody in the world could have given any pet, ever. I know I slept with you more nights than anybody else. I know you were going to move in with me, and we were going to find all the dog parks and be stopped countless times on the city streets because you are just so damn cute.

I didn’t see this coming, and I didn’t see ever having to let you go. But the last thing I would ever want for you is pain.

So, as I write this on my way to let you go, I cry tears of sadness for never being able to take you home again, tears of joy for the ten years of memories that will never fade, and tears of helplessness because there truly is nothing more I can do to save you, except let you go.

You have left paw prints on my heart, Buddy, and I will love you forever.

Until we can cuddle once again,

Ali