Dear Seventeen Year Old Me,
You have been through the wringer. You feel like your world is falling down around you and you feel alone. One day something will happen that will change your perspective on life but for right now I am here to tell you everything will be all right. You were just given some of the worst news of your life a couple days ago. You believed that you were doing something great for yourself. You finally felt happy, you finally felt in control, and you felt loved. When you were taken to the hospital that day, you thought nothing was wrong with you. Of course, that month you noticed your body hurting more and your kidneys agonizing in pain. You noticed your armpits hurting when you would turn your steering wheel on in your car, you noticed this awful smell in your mouth that you couldn't get out. But you were losing weight and that's all that mattered.
When mom took you to the ER you thought she was crazy. You were fine! They were just jealous that you were losing weight and they weren't. Honey, you were not fine. When the doctor came in they told you that you that you had two months to live if you did not change your life. You only weighed 90 pounds and your body was failing you. At that moment, hearing that you were hurting yourself unintentionally you felt so alone. Right now, you feel like it would not get better and you feel like your life is over. I am here to tell you you're not alone and life does get better. I know people are telling you that they understand and everything will be okay; I know that is hard to believe, but it is true. I am so sorry that I let people hurt you. I am so sorry that I failed you. You are just a 17-year-old girl yearning for someone to love you and I promise you someone will love you for you; your weight doesn't determine who loves you and who doesn't. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and no one can tell you differently.
Your weight is not something that defines your look, it is your character within. Everything will be all right, even if it seems like your world is crashing down. I should know, I'm you four years in the future. It's not going to be an easy fix. You are going to be put through some of your worst nightmares. It's going to take time and people will still make you feel like you're not good enough, whether it is boys, girls, or your family. The next four years are going to teach you a lot about yourself. You're going to fail yourself a lot, but I can promise you that you are going to be such a strong woman. There are going to be people who want to see you burn. Your job is to not pay attention to them and show them that you are worth more than just an image. People are going to taunt you with your past, people are going to test you with your limitations, and people are going to be rude. Being diagnosed with anorexia nervosa will not limit you, it does not define you, and you will get through this. You will have wonderful friends and a family that you're going to meet along the way and they will help you in anyway they can. They will be your biggest fans and help you rebuild yourself. You're not going to go alone at this. know your heart is breaking, you are going to get through this.
You are going to live.
