Dear person who abandoned me,

I've spent a long time thinking about what I would say if I had the chance to see you face-to-face…

And frankly, I don't know. I don’t know if I'm angry that you left, sad that I didn't mean enough for you to stay, or grateful that you're gone.

I don't know what my life would have been like if you had stayed. I've been awarded opportunities in life I'm not sure I would've received had you decided to give me a chance. I've been told your stories, I've learned where you came from and where you've gone, but somehow I still don't know who you are. I don't know what you looked like. I've always been told that I am better off for this, but how can I be sure?

I was not given a chance.

I've always partially blamed myself. I've spent my whole life wondering why you decided I wasn't worth it; why I wasn't worth staying, or loving. I decided it was my fault I wasn’t enough. Do you know how hard it is to go through high school feeling like you are already not enough? I ended up trying to make sure people liked me. I was nice to everyone. I gave everyone a million chances, even though they consistently let me down.

I became sad. I was always sad.

The worst part is that I feel like I owe the people who actually care about me. I feel like I have to make it up to them. I give random gifts "for their trouble" and I don't know how to stop. For four years straight, I strived to make people like me. I needed them to think I was enough. I've dedicated myself to doing everything for everyone else, never mind the emotional or physical repercussions I may experience.

But I've decided I'm going to learn how to be enough. I've tried overcompensating for the feeling you've instilled in me, and I’m done trying.

In the novel, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower," Stephen Chbosky writes, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

I am ready to deserve love. It will be a long road up, full of self-realization and fulfillment, but I'm ready for the climb.

Yours, lovingly,

Tiffany Taylor