Dear People Who Fat-Shamed Me,

First of all, I want to start this by saying that I, in no way, bear any resentment toward you. I know that you probably did not understand the implications of your actions, and therefore, I want you to know that I forgive you. I want you to learn from this and think before you speak next time.

I want you to know where I am coming from right now. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have struggled with disordered eating habits, eating when I got sad or upset to the point of binging, ADHD that makes me get bored easily, so I would eat, and more crash diets than I can count. I remember being 12 years old and being called “big” by a leader of a drama program that I looked up to. With puberty came curves that the other girls did not have, so I looked odd standing next to the boys, who were still long and lanky, onstage. It was then that I looked up “how to lose 15 pounds in a week.”

When I came to Wake, I started running and eating healthier and got down to my lowest weight in years. I had more energy, wasn’t as tired all the time, and my emotional health was amazing. It was at this time that I met Gregory. My free time that used to be spent running was now spent with my new boyfriend who told me that I was beautiful no matter what and took me on date nights to eat delicious food at my favorite restaurants. I only wish that all of you find the same level of happiness that I feel when I am with Gregory. To the person who told me that they think he deserves someone in better shape: I agree with you, to some extent. I believe that Gregory deserves someone who can spend decades with him and who is healthy enough to go on all of the adventures that he dreams about. At my current size, my health is not great, so I know that I need to take better care of my physical health so that I do not end up killing myself with a heart attack or stroke before I am 40.

To the person who has been telling me for years that bigger girls do not get the lead roles: I know that you never meant to hurt me like you did, and I know that you meant well, but that was one of the biggest slaps in the face that I have ever gotten. Not only did it discourage me further from the intended goal of making me lose weight, but made a bad situation worse when I was already devastated about not being cast. Also, I intend to prove you wrong one day.

Finally, to the four people in the past three months who have made comments and jokes about my clothing size: Not that it is your right at all to make assumptions about what sizes I wear or what the quality of fit is of those garments, but American sizing is beyond ludicrous. If you don’t believe me, check out this article from Time.com about how sizing is subjective and basically irrelevant. I have a disproportionate body type that does not conform to standard numeric sizing for most garments. I don’t even have a conclusive size from store to store. I go by what I want the fit to be for that particular garment, be that an Extra-Small, an Extra-Large, a size 8, or a size 14. So before you open your mouth to make a joke about how I need to shop in the “big girls department” or about how my size 8 Lululemon leggings must be “stretched to their maximum”, remember that I am not just a curvy girl that you can bully, I am a person who cried after you laughed and joked that you bet I couldn’t fit into a smaller sized dress.

I don’t say this to put all of you on blast or anything like that. Like I said before, I forgive you for the hurtful things that you all have said to me over the years. I am writing to use my platform to let you know that I forgive you, but that your words can be hurtful and you need to think before you speak. I am also writing this to let any other girl being fat-shamed know that you are not alone and you do not need to let the big mouths of a few people dictate your self-worth.

Let’s all just try to be nicer to each other. There is no reason to put someone down or make them feel bad. Go and put some more love and positive energy out into the world instead of spreading negativity.

Thank you,