Dear past,
I've been meaning to say goodbye to you for quite sometime now, but you keep sneaking up on me like a little kid who just wants affection from someone. You keep showing me how I use to be, how he use to be or better lack of terms "how we use to be when we didn't know who we were". You keep drawing different pictures, coloring outside the lines and shadowing the in-betweens to nothing. It's nothing new, you do this a lot to me. You remind me of things by creeping up, and I'm suppose to fall back into your mouse trap. Even though I adore and love Minnie Mouse, I will be no subject to a trap for a mouse. You play songs that in hopes of me remembering what they meant then, will mean something now.
I've been meaning to say goodbye to you but all I can think about are all the things I will lose in the end. I will lose memories that made me who I am today. I will lose sight of all I thought I had when I honestly, had nothing at all. You're suppose to be my best friend, they say. They say you hold to key to everything that he has, and everything that he could be. They say you know me better than my own heart does. If you know me so well, then why do you continually to creep up at me like a lady bug when you're running on low for luck on St. Patty's day? You and I have a lot in common, past. Spare me a jack and give me an ace.
I've been meaning to say hello to my future, but I'm still holding on tightly to the fact my past was so beautiful. I keep telling myself to wake up, it isn't September anymore. My heart could shred into tiny little pieces and I probably wouldn't want to pick them up. I kind of like this black cold heart you've given me. I have walls up that probably won't ever get broken down again, due to the fact I skewed up views and the tables were turned into a blackjack game that ended badly. So while I'm in the middle of trying to say hello to my future, I'd like to say goodbye to you.
Goodbye to the person I was, trying to keep score of all my dealings. Goodbye to all the facts that I thought were true. Goodbye to the walls that I built because I couldn't allow myself to actually feel loved. Goodbye to everything that I knew, and didn't know. Goodbye to the options of weighing my life and relationships side by side. Goodbye to the past and hello to a bright future. The moon will shine brighter for me. Goodbye best friend, I can't think of a better way to go out than writing about how nonchalant you are and how you have this skewed up view of love. I probably won't pick up those pieces that are falling like hail during a thunderstorm on the floor. Thanks for checking in on me. See you again in my dreams that haunt me during the day.
Love always,
The stars that never could shine without you.
