Dear Friend,

You’ve changed.

When I see you now, there is a new look in your eyes. It’s as if you’ve discovered how big the world is, and now you are trying to drink all of it in at once in the case by tomorrow it has disappeared. That look in your eyes that tells me you won’t be returning to our little pinprick on the map anytime soon. You’ve become far too curious to be satisfied with the small town life anymore. I see a new sparkle, which is strange because I used to have all of them memorized. I used to know every freckle on your arm, all of the colors your eyes made in every different light, and which laughs you used for which occasions. Now there is a part of you that is foreign to me and I don’t know if I will ever understand it.

I’m happy for you, I really am. It makes me so proud to see you chasing your ambitions and following your heart. Anyone around you can tell that you have found the right path for you, you really belong where you are. It’s just hard that we can’t be together in this like we’ve been with everything else.

I miss you. I miss seeing you every day and being able to de-stress to you whenever I needed it. I miss how we were two parts of one whole. It feels like half of me is detached and gone. Life goes on and I know things couldn’t stay the way they were forever, but you know how much I hate change and this one has been hard. I hope all of your new friends know when you need a hug and a shoulder to cry on, and when you need to be left alone. I hope they surprise you with ice cream after a bad day. I hope that they make you happy because that’s all I want for you.

I can’t wait to see you. We haven’t been able to hang out much and it kills me to see you leave without being able to say hello. Yesterday I couldn't stop thinking about all of the good days, of the times before all of the crap and destruction we’ve weathered together. I’m always here, even if I can’t be there.

Don’t forget about me.

Dear Friend,

I’m worried.

I watch from afar as you put up the brave front and charge into life head first without a helmet. You wear your need to fit in as a cologne, so strong that it makes me gag on my nerves from 150 miles away. I know how badly you’ve needed to belong to something, but I worry that you aren’t finding the right crowd.

I worry about the friends and decisions you make. I worry about the times you text me crying and the times you text me fine. I worry about the 3 am and 3 pm messages. I have to stop this worrying because we’re both adults but I care too much.

People tell me to burn some bridges, but I can’t bring myself to light the match while you’re walking across. It’s gotten unhealthy and maybe I’m the only one who notices, but things are strained. You’re pulling me in one direction while I shove my heels in the sand. I don’t want to go, but I also don’t want you to go alone.

Help me here, please. I’m helplessly watching you as you play with a stick of dynamite, every scream I make goes in one ear and out the other. If I try to take it from you, there's a chance we’ll both go up in flames. Am I supposed to let you go it alone? How can you put me through these decisions remorselessly?

You're always on my mind and in my heart.

Dear Friends,

Don’t forget.

When you think about us, I hope you think about before. I hope your memories are filled with sunshine and warmth. I hope you don’t dwell on the hard things anymore, I know I’ve put them behind me.

I hope you’ve found a new crowd. One with less drama and struggles than we used to have. We were a broken mosaic, held together by tape and Elmer’s glue. A stained glass window of mismatched pieces welded together by empty promises and dreams. No matter what we were, it was strangely beautiful. Even as it all fell apart, there will always be fragments of you all attached to me.

I hope we can still get together occasionally. If only to preserve the memory of something that used to be, I hope we can stay connected. Never let go of what you want, because I know how great you all can be. Do what you said you would do on the nights the stars listened to our screams into the dark. Be the people you said you were going to be when we had nothing but our friendship and the adrenaline of possibilities.

Do great things. Give love. Be the light.