Dear Ex Of My Ex,
Pardon me if I sound bitchy, but I have to admit something to you. When my son told me that the wedding between you and my ex was cancelled, I secretly cheered. Loudly. Very Loudly.
For the last five years you have been a part of my life, the life of my ex, and the life of our boys. You have been the female role model for my boys when they were with their dad. When I first heard about you, I was thrilled. I was thrilled their dad had found someone he felt would make not only him happy, but also be a positive in the lives of our boys. It didn’t take long before my feelings changed.
You had anger and jealousy when I talked with my ex. It wasn’t allowed. This quickly hindered our relationship, as he and I were no longer able to discuss what was going on in the lives of our children. (Yes, OUR children. They were ours before you were in the picture). When my ex and I divorced, we had an agreement that our differences would always be put aside. Our boys would never hear us bad mouth the other. We knew there would be times we would not want to be in the same room, but we agreed to never let our boys know that. We did not want them walking toward us after a game and worrying about who they should talk to first. We wanted our boys to know we were all still on the same team and were there to support them. Your presence however, divided our team.
You bad mouthed me in front of our boys. When you spoke of how their dad “had to” give me money every month, they told me. Yes their dad “had to” give me child support every month. It’s a law. Did you forget that I reduced his child support by over 50 percent where he could have a comfortable lifestyle with our boys? Why didn’t that ever come out of your mouth?
When our boys had sporting events of their own and it was their weekend to spend with their dad, you complained and wanted them to miss their event. Why wouldn’t you just go to their event and be supportive of them? Did it cross your mind to step back and not be the center of attention for four short days a month? Let me say that again. FOUR DAYS A MONTH. Four days a month, at the most, was all you would have to be around our boys. Four days.
When you told my ex that he couldn’t talk with me or sit near me at games, you hindered our relationship. Our boys felt torn. They felt as if they had to choose which parent to talk to first. Guess what? My ex is my ex. I am not interested in a relationship with him other than the parenting of our children. When we talk, I am not sharing with him my Christmas list or even my bra size. I’m sharing details of the lives of his children.
Every year at Christmas and on your birthday, my boys arrived at your house with a gift for you. I wanted them to know that if you were important to their dad, they needed you to know you were important to them as well. We shopped for you, even when my boys did not want to purchase you a gift. We shopped for you, even when I didn’t want to purchase you a gift. It was the right thing to do. You however, never once told them thank you. You were ungracious and they noticed.
As the years passed, so did my desire for you to be around my boys. When they were at their dad’s, you didn’t try to strengthen your relationship with them. When I saw you, you wouldn’t speak to me. You acted if it were painful to even be in the same gym. You were short tempered with our boys. You became jealous of my boys. You continued to bad mouth me. They would return home and tell me they weren’t going back to their dad’s. This created conflict in my home because they HAD TO return. They needed to be with their dad. They needed a relationship with him. You were not only breaking down the relationship I had with their dad, but also the relationship the boys had with their dad.
So, forgive me for cheering when my son smiled and told me the wedding was cancelled. Forgive me for getting so excited that I almost peed down my leg. I was celebrating not only for me, but for my boys as well. I knew that not only would their relationship become better with their dad, but my relationship with him would also improve. Both of these things were far more important than you being in the picture.