This is more of a letter that I can refer back to later so I can remember the reason why I made the decision to remove you from my life. But if you happen to come across it, maybe you can use it as a form of self-reflection. As for anyone else, hopefully, my story can give you the encouragement to dump someone who is not serving positivity anywhere in your life.
I was briefly introduced to you a while back, but the day I consider the first of our wild relationship began within the walls of a home. I had planned to go shopping and was invited to tag along with a friend. We decided to meet-up over her place, and shortly after arriving, I saw you perched on the couch flipping through T.V. channels. Upon realizing who it was, you expressed how you ended up stuck listening to the bickering between our friend and her boyfriend since you stepped foot inside. I sighed, and sat down for what seemed to be an eternity listening to words being thrown back and forth; words can probably never be taken back again. Then, obviously fed up with the quibble, you abruptly got up and made way to the kitchen.
"You wanna do some shots?" You asked upon passing me by, and all I could do was blink. Surely I heard you right, but I was taken back. I had met you before but this was our very first time spent collectively. I battled the question a bit in my head before speaking.
"It's still day out." I said.
Your head popped back into the living room, a little grin dancing across your face. "So what? That's what makes it more fun!"
I ended up taking those shots and made a few purchases that were less than responsible because of it. But among everything else I gained, I was most excited to have had your friendship. You were an energy that I never had in my life before; you were full of spontaneity and animation, and little weird, too. But I loved it, as I deeply enjoyed having someone who views the world as a bland rock. We created awesome memories with our little adventures and funny inside jokes. We were always going somewhere because we hated being inside. You were the only person I could call at 9 A.M. and propose that we go do something and be totally alright with it. There was a time where if I wasn't at home, well, the only other place I would be was your's.
Yet, as our friendship grew closer, I began noticing sides of you that were raising some red flags. I never saw them as an issue, as I always assumed that you were just being, well, you. My good ol' mate. However, I remember thinking one day that I never saw your friends, and as I acquainted more of mine with you, that's when I began paying more attention. Every person I introduced to your life had to eventually cut you off. It would be different if it was one or two, but it was literally every person we had mutual contact with. "She's full of drama," they would say, or, "I just don't see her as a lifetime friend." Naturally, you would wave them off and then come to me, saying that you never did anything wrong. But it was then that I started diagnosing the toxicity that followed you.
First, you loved to play victim; you always sought out a way to feel marginalized, even when the "attacker" was doing nothing but perhaps giving you some good life advice. You also had blatant patterns of dishonesty. I recalled a time where you left to go out-of-state with another good pal of mine. I didn't go due to some personal issues circulating in my life around the time. Unfortunately, the trip ended up a total disaster. But what was crazy was that my friend had told me the entire story before I came to you. You boldly lied about the entire ordeal, right to my face. It was at that time that I took everything you said with a grain of salt. You loved to manipulate, and used it to your utmost advantage, even when it came to your loved ones. You were very generous, and often carried out very sweet gestures, but it was never from the heart. If the action was never recuperated, you threw a raging bitch-fit. You disregarded another people's feelings, and among everything else, you were never wrong. I hated that you never admitted that you messed up, miscalculated, or misspoken. And you always misspoken, you always said words you could never take back. But the worse part? You didn't even try.
It wasn't even me who cut you off. In fact, it was the other way around. But I knew this was just a way for you to prove a point; for me, it was freedom. Soon as you said the words, I ran with it. A week later you messaged me to say that you missed me. Come two months later you messaged me again to ask if I ever came "back to my senses" and will start hanging out with you, again. By this time, I was fearless. I told you everything I had been feeling up to that moment and what I saw in you. I knew what I deserved and even more, I knew it wasn't you. You accused me of painting you out to be some type of monster and of course, told me I was wrong. "Whatever," I said, "I'm not on here to debate or argue. Just leave me alone."
It's something when we look for romantic partners and we never dare to start relationships with toxic, abusive individual. We scoff at the chance of that happening because, of course, we assume that we would see the signs. But what we usually forget that toxic people can also be our friends, too. Consciously or unconsciously, they're sabotaging your happiness and growth. I had to cut off the wrong friend in order to gain better ones, and although it was a dreadfully challenging experience, I set the value for myself in the end.
As for my ex-best friend, I hope you know that I don't hate you. Believe it or not, I wish you happiness and overall, peace. And if one day you find that you're not the person you expected yourself to be, I hope you find the courage and help to start all over again.
