Dear Mr. Trump (Cc: Vladimir Putin),
It's been awhile since I last wrote you a letter. But, I think it's time for another. It's kind of like writing to Santa Claus -- I'm not expecting an answer, but it's kind of fun, nonetheless. Except, instead of asking for gifts, I'm asking some other things of you.
First off, I'm asking first and foremost that maybe it's not a good idea to pick a fight with China? I know that you have little to no idea of what you're doing but I mean, I'm just thinking that perhaps you should, for once, think before you speak. The United States of Russia -- sorry, I mean the United States AND Russia, Freudian slips happen to the best of us -- as well as China are armed to the teeth with all sorts of fun little weapons that could make us all grow literal third eyes (though if they worked like we'd hope, perhaps that wouldn't be a bad thing) and decimate the world as we know it. However, everything could turn out fine, as none of us can predict the future. Regardless, this little spat with China still seems very, very terrifying. So, with all due respect, Mr. Trump, kindly knock it off.
Secondly, it's also very suspicious about the allegations of Russia's involvement with your election. For a man who lost the popular vote by well over 2 million votes (however you would like to define those votes is up to you, but the rest of us rational beings will continue to remember them as legitimate votes), it's strange that you won the electoral college’s votes, but I suppose they -- whoever "they" are -- are right in saying that anything is possible. I suppose that an alligator could fall out of the sky in central Idaho and strike me down like the smite of God. However, if our federal agencies are right in stating that a foreign, not-entirely-friendly state did have something to do with your election, I ask that you look up the definition of "treason" in the dictionary. Furthermore, if you were aware of this potential Russian breach, I would also ask of you to understand what happens to individuals who commit acts of treason such as this.
Furthermore, I also would like to ask that you defend every bit of the Constitution of the United States of America to its full capacity. The second amendment is great, but the first is better. Freedom is what this country was founded on, whether you like it or not, and your sheer dumb luck at winning the presidency isn't going to change that. Freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of religion, and freedom to protest. None of these rights change just because your feelings are hurt. I daresay it's time to act like an actual adult instead of a child. As a fellow person with a big head, tiny hands, and fragile ego, I ask that you never forget that your tender sensibilities mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. None of ours do, in reality, but as the president of the United States, yours especially don't.
Finally, Mr. Trump, I ask you seriously and sincerely to muster up some compassion. It may be too much to ask you to muster up some tact, but I would like to ask that of you as well. As someone who is regrettably going to be affected by every little thing you do, all I am truly asking is for you to somehow look beyond yourself and this reality shitshow you've created for us all. Neither of us are the center of the universe Mr. Trump. I can't tell if you're still as terrified as you were or if you've gotten over it but what I do know is that this disgusting, bigoted, idiotic persona that you've created for yourself truly isn't you. I believe that you were different once, and I believe that you are still different somewhere inside. This isn't a game anymore, Trump, and I hope that you can somehow realize that before it's too late.
Though, I suppose if everything turns out like the "Fallout" universe, I guess worse things could happen. I, for one, would embrace the wasteland assuming that I, you know, survived. Regardless, as a citizen of this country and as someone forced to at least admit that you are the president I live under, I ask of you these things, and I ask that you never forget what you've done not only to yourself and America, but to the world at large.
