Dear Daddy,
It’s hard to write this to you I still remember the night my life changed forever. The day started out just like any other going to school studying for state tests. I went home to dinner sitting on the table just as usual. I sat there eating my bowl of soup. Then it happened my grandma looked up from her bowl of soup. She said “Kayla I need you to go get ready we’re going down to Ohio to see your dad.” I remember looking at her immediately telling her “I can’t my MSA’s are tomorrow.” She then responded by saying “If you ever want to see your dad alive again we need to go now your mom is on the way down.” Shocked and in utter horror I immediately agreed to go. I knew at that moment at 12 years old my life was going to change forever.
We immediately headed down the road to Ohio. I fell asleep and woke up at the hospital door. A nurse greeted us immediately by letting us know it was past visiting hours. She then asked whom we were there to see and as soon as we told her the name we were rushed to the ICU. Where I saw you lying there in a coma tubes down your throat covered in IV’s unconscious. Last I had heard was that you were soon supposed to be returning back to your home, that things were getting better. Not that you had bad pneumonia and a blood infection. I sat and cried right in front of you not wanting you to leave. The nurse came in to turn off your machines a few hours later. You still continued to fight. I was almost certain you had a chance. My mom looked at me and told me that you weren’t going to leave without my permission. In my selfish haste I remember immediately responding with “why would I tell him that?” She told me you were in pain and needed to go get better. I then said “he can’t hear me he’s asleep.” She told me you could hear me but couldn’t move. I proceeded to tell you “Daddy it’s ok for you to go if you’re ready then I’m ready.” I saw a tear trickle down your cheek I knew you had heard me. A few minutes later my world stopped. The second your heart monitor flat lined.
In that moment I had no idea what to do you were my best friend. What would I do I wondered. Throughout the years it seemed to get better. But day-by-day situations arise and I would miss you more and more. I always told you I would be an artist. Well guess what a year after you died Barbara Ingram School for the arts got built and I got accepted there for visual arts. I wish you could have seen me on my first day of high school. I wish you could have seen how beautiful I looked in my plum prom dress.I wish you could have taught me how to drive a car. I wish you could have been here to hold me through my first heartbreak and hug me and tell me it would all be okay and how you would go beat him up. I wish you could meet Josh the man who has asked me for my hand in marriage. I could go on forever telling you all of the things I wish you could see and do.
However, the things you did in the short time you were here were more special. You taught me how to ride a bike even though I thought I was a hopeless mess. You taught me how to fish, a hobby that I still enjoy. You taught me how to love myself even when I felt like no one did. You gave me everything even when you didn’t have much to give. You gave me a wonderful sister and brother who would later in life find out I exist and finally get to meet me. I know you’re smiling down on all of us. I have many more journeys in life to come and I hope you’ll be right there watching every step of the way. I love you more than you’ll ever know and just because you died does not mean it will ever end. Oh, and happy birthday by the way you would have been 49.
Love always,
Kayla
