Dear anxiety,
We haven't known each other that long, but in the short time that we have been together I can honestly say that you're the one thing in my life that I would do anything in the absolute world to get rid of. If someone told me I had to live my biggest fear just to get rid of you forever, I would do it in a heartbeat. You hold me back from the best things in life. Whether it be something that happens everyday like eating or something that happens once in a life time like meeting a celebrity, you've been there to ruin it for me.
Thinking back throughout my life, you may have been with me the whole time, but maybe I just didn't notice you. I'm not sure what happened that made you finally come out from behind the shadows and formally introduce yourself. You're like that person in life that they call a "frenemy." I sometimes think you have my best interest at heart, to be reminded later on that you overreact and don't have my best interest at hand.
You'll be the one who wakes me up early or keep me up late. You send shivers down my spine daily over something so minuscule that complaining out loud about it would make me sound ungrateful. You show up out of the blue with no warning or reason. Just thinking about you make my heart pound out of my chest my eyes tear up and my throat close. My lungs feel like they're full of water and my mind races through a million thoughts at the speed of light.
Even after you leave, you leave me broken and confused. I always feel like I cheated death and have no recollection of anything that happened during your visit. I don't know if this makes sense, but when you come around I feel like I feel too much. In my defense, when you're here nothing makes sense. It like I wake up from a scary nightmare, it takes a physical and mental toll on my body.
You abuse me and use me like a child would with a new toy. You play with me until I break, then when I get fixed, play with me again until I break. The cycle always continues. You whisper to me every time that if I talk about you, I'll waste the time of everyone around me. When I try and disobey your warnings, I feel the words on the tip of my tongue, yet I feel like my lips are physically sewn shut. Sometimes you're right though when you say the things you say.
Being with you feels like years when it's really been about half an hour. You know how I always say that I'm distancing myself from you, and how that's a lie every time. You know how I say it's not that bad, when I feel like I'm being hit with the worlds longest train. You know me better than anyone. You know how to get to me and what to say to make me your slave. Yet I can't figure you out. Maybe soon I will.
I guess I'll see you later tonight, like I always do.
Sincerely,
A broken and scared me.
